I stood at the foot of the bed, debating aloud what to wear to work. Brian gave feedback that was actually appreciated; he's got a good eye for this type of thing. His suggestions were sound, and would result in a very nice look for the day...but on the other edge of the bed, I had laid an entirely different outfit.
"See? This is the whole problem!" I shouted in frustration. Brian gave me a sympathetic grimace. I was holding both outfits in my hands: in the left, an ephemeral blue printed skirt made from an upcycled sari, so light that I had to wear a slip; in the right, a red plaid tank top, part of a punk rocker ensemble I bought from a Hallowe'en store on clearance. "How the hell am I ever going to find a dress when I am clearly two people stuck in the same body?"
I bought a new wedding book on the weekend, and it has been both a blessing and a curse. It's call The Offbeat Bride, and there's a website, too, if you like. The writer, Ariel Meadow Stallings, is someone I want immediately to meet and be friends with. Her desire to provide a meticulous wedding wedsite (ugh, cutsie names), her insane-in-a-good-way wedding dress, and her opinions on almost everything bridal, are so very much mirrored by my own. Her book is fantastic, in that she is encouraging brides to be themselves and not feel smothered in wedding lore and expectation. I bought it after browsing the Offbeat Bride website for about two minutes. I can't put it down.
So on the positive side, this book is giving me plenty of encouragement to be my non-traditional self. This is wonderful, and I really needed it. On the other hand, I am more afraid than ever that I am allowing my (and Bri's) senses of self to be swallowed up by the often-outdated concept of what a wedding should end up looking like. The book has renewed my conviction that I am committed to my soup-can-as-candle-holder project, and other DIY-looking, punky elements. It has, however made me worried that I've started to settle in certain areas...especially the dress.
Ariel did a lot of research in writing her book, and turns out, plenty of brides don't wear white. I mean, I know that other cultures don't always wear white, and I know that even the 'Anglo-Saxon' tradition is only about 200 years old. But I'm not talking about colourful dresses stemming from ethnic traditions or an insistence on a pre-Victorian dress: I mean, there are plenty of women right now, wearing dresses of all types, walking down the aisle, wearing colours like red, grey, blue, and...sigh...my coveted green.
Ariel's own dress was green, or at least parts of it. To hear her describe the dress without presenting a photo, I found myself picturing this image of a fairy from A Midsummer's Night Dream gone evil. Tulle, and a corset, and colour, and fun. I suddenly found myself demanding to know, just when did I get on the big white dress train (no pun intended)?
I threw myself on the bed and rubbed my face into Bri's shoulder. "You're going to look so beautiful no matter what you were, J; you're always sexy," he said, sweet boy that he is.
"That's not the problem, Bri," I whined, "It's that I want to look like so many different things. And the dress is so symbolic. And I want to be elegant, but also fun...I want to be ele-fun." We laughed at the new word. But it fits.
I calmed down a bit and went to work. I checked over my wedding to-do list, and saw my idea notes on dresses. So far, the white dresses I had considered had not been outside my original vision too much. The only change was that I'd originally pictured an empire-waisted, slinky hippy-like dress, but now I was really excited about the idea of oodles of tulle. Not because it's traditional: because we're going to muck it up and dye it green or something, and hot glue little rhinestones all in it. and pair it with cowboy boots for the aisle walk, and amazing hand-painted Figgie shoes (more on this later) for the dancing. I pictured one of the 1950s inspired dresses I have been looking at, done with a green sash, green petticoat/crinoline, sparkles, and green fabric-covered buttons going down my back. The tongue-in-cheek tradition that I feel comfortable with. Because I do so very much love a theme, and so I'll dress to match the occasion (white); but because I'm never quite what one expects, I'll bedazzle the thing and pair it with a necklace made of mini skulls or something.
I mentioned, in a comment, the first designer I'd found who makes 50s style wedding dresses; I have since found a second. This gives me hope, and a sense of connection with other brides out there: I'm not the only one with a love of the vintage and a distaste for the hyper-Victorian dresses. (Mind you, the olive green one I've been offered has been food for thought...more on this later, too.)
And I have time. Due to the new wedding date, I have 60 days less than originally estimated, but I do still have 2-3 months to figure this out, before I get into rough spots with ordering and delivery timelines. And hey, if the right dress comes to me through a local shop, off the rack, or from a former bride, then I'm golden.
I am, however, more committed than ever that I will feel totally awesome and 'me' as I stomp my way down that aisle in riding or cowboy boots, a kickass dress, and my darling waiting for me at the altar.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
In the Media! Brief Overview
Hey.
I have a longer entry to write today, plus more offers to notify you all of, but just a reminder to those who haven't caught on yet: if you'd like to see the list of what media has covered us and when, you can click on the 'media' tab at the top of our blog and you'll get to see the whole chronological list.
We got so busy with the coverage we were getting that we've relaxed a little on posting a blog entry everytime there was coverage; but you all may be excited to hear, we have been covered in virtually every Canada.com-affiliated paper from the east coast to the west coast of Canada (we're still hoping for coverage in the National Post, just 'cause it sounds cool). As well, affiliates of the Ottawa Sun have reprinted Scott Taylor's story. The local papers that have covered us, with writers like Jessica Cunha and Sasha Johnson, are amazing and tell the story in a really intimate way. And the radio stations we've been on--two in Calgary, and one Ottawa Station to be aired this week!--have been so much fun.
When we first got engaged, I told my mom I wanted a traditional engagement announcement in the paper. This was before we'd really begun the P:P idea, and we ended up trying to figure out what the cost of an announcement would be, and how we'd cover it. I think we can safely say, we've now had one of the most amazing engagement announcements in the paper(s), ever!
Take a look at the 'media' tab. Share the links. And comment on this post, saying where you're from and how you heard about us. One of the coolest things about this crazy project is how many people we're getting to connect with. We love it, and we love hearing from you. :)
I have a longer entry to write today, plus more offers to notify you all of, but just a reminder to those who haven't caught on yet: if you'd like to see the list of what media has covered us and when, you can click on the 'media' tab at the top of our blog and you'll get to see the whole chronological list.
We got so busy with the coverage we were getting that we've relaxed a little on posting a blog entry everytime there was coverage; but you all may be excited to hear, we have been covered in virtually every Canada.com-affiliated paper from the east coast to the west coast of Canada (we're still hoping for coverage in the National Post, just 'cause it sounds cool). As well, affiliates of the Ottawa Sun have reprinted Scott Taylor's story. The local papers that have covered us, with writers like Jessica Cunha and Sasha Johnson, are amazing and tell the story in a really intimate way. And the radio stations we've been on--two in Calgary, and one Ottawa Station to be aired this week!--have been so much fun.
When we first got engaged, I told my mom I wanted a traditional engagement announcement in the paper. This was before we'd really begun the P:P idea, and we ended up trying to figure out what the cost of an announcement would be, and how we'd cover it. I think we can safely say, we've now had one of the most amazing engagement announcements in the paper(s), ever!
Take a look at the 'media' tab. Share the links. And comment on this post, saying where you're from and how you heard about us. One of the coolest things about this crazy project is how many people we're getting to connect with. We love it, and we love hearing from you. :)
Sunday, November 28, 2010
We have a venue! The debate and the final verdict...
We have had the most wonderful venues offered to us. We've been sharing them as we've confirmed them here on the blog, and we've finally made a decision.We'll detail our venue first, then review the others that we had offered to us.
So, without further ado, we announce our wedding will be at Stanley's Olde Maple Lane Farm!
Stanley's is, with no exaggeration, absolutely gorgeous. The grounds are huge, showcasing gorgeous sugar maple trees and a generous handful of picturesque outdoor spots that are absolutely perfect for a ceremony. We've decided on the 'Stone Steps' for our ceremony, because it will suit our north-south-east-west aisle plan, and allows us to be elevated above our guests so they can see us.
We will have our ceremony late-afternoon on the steps, then guests (and ourselves) can wander the entire grounds freely, visiting the chickens, peacocks, pigs, and other animals in the barn (did I mention the magnificent Belgian horses?), pause at numerous photo-perfect areas, or head into the reception venue for a drink--spirits, or our exciting donation of DAVIDsTEA tea served by David's staff.
The reception is taking place in the South Lawn Tent; without a doubt, you'll want to take a look at the photos on the virtual tour page:
http://www.herbgarden.on.ca/. As I mentioned before, I have been to the Herb Garden many times for their summer HerbFest, a wonderful gathering of vendors who offer or work with herbs, newage type goodies, and food. I love this festival and since its discovery, I have only missed it once when I couldn't get out of work. The grounds are adorable; there are beds of herbs growing that you can walk through, some of them gorgeous (and all of them making me envious as I recall the scrawny plants I have managed to maintain or maim in my own efforts to be green-thumbed). The ceremony would take place under an adorable white gazebo with guests' chairs arranged on the lawn.
The grounds is full of these shady, gnarly trees, which I immediately pictured Brian climbing as he is unable to pass by a good climbing tree without making the attempt.
The ceremony would be held in the old (original) barn. The light comes in from the logs, and it just has that wonderful woodiness to it.
The grounds would be ours to wander, including an herb labyrinth and a small outdoor patio. My favourite part of the grounds was actually a smaller log cabin that sits beside the main barn: the drying house. The top floor is used to dry the herbs, and the main floor can be used to seat a small dinner party of about 30. What makes this little cabin so gorgeous is the herbs that hang from the ceiling: the entire space is filled with gorgeous, colourful, flowered herbs. I asked Gerry (of Gerry and George, the Herb Garden owners) about the herbs, and Gerry said that depending on the year, the herbs can grow so well, they actually hide every inch of the ceiling. The idea of eating dinner in this space was so nice, and I felt like really, most of the decoration was already naturally supplied. We didn't get a picture of this space, though, so you're going to have to just picture it with your vivid imaginations.
The barn itself is adorable, as you can see.
So we thought this space was amazing. Who wouldn't. There were a couple of minor hitches for our particular wedding plans, however. First off, the barn is an old, original barn. In late September or early October, there is a good chance our guests would have to wear mittens and coats. Gerry and George were amazing and offered us any date in September or October that did not have another wedding scheduled on it, but when we really considered dates, we realized we may be into cold/rainy season by the time all was said and done.
The second hitch: the barn holds about 70 people for a seated dinner. Our moms have just recently completed their guest lists for us, and have been very good at keeping the number as low as possible; but the chances of us getting our guest list below 150 is highly improbable. Counting photographers, DJ, and our own guest list etc., we are probably still at 200 people. There is a large field that Gerry pointed out, large enough to hold festival tents and (as Gerry recommended), guests could play a soccer game or set up some tents. Unfortunately, with no leads so far from P:P on a donation of festival tents, we felt our hands were tied.
The Herb Garden is beautiful, and Gerry is such a sweet, down-to-earth fellow. He and George have owned the Herb Garden for about nine years now, and based on the friendly welcome alone, I would recommend that anyone have their wedding at this intimate, cheery locale. In the end, unfortunately, we had to decline. I do, however, find myself wondering about other gatherings I could hold in the future at the Herb Garden.
____________
We were offered two other locations for which no site visit was immediately necessary.
------------------
Our next offer was from a Bed & Breakfast in Winchester, about an hour outside of town: The Terrace Green B&B. Annette Angus, owner of the B&B, offered us use of the property for the weekend to hold our wedding. Website:
Annette was excited by P:P because her goal is to "provide couples with the opportunity to have a very nice wedding without breaking the bank". Annette stated, wisely, that she ould rather see a couple save their money for down payment on a home. Annette has completed a wedding planning course, and the B&B has hosted half-a-dozen weddings already.
This venue is, as you can see, adorable. Unfortunately for our needs, I would have to break my one promise to my dad in order to take this location: I would being having an outdoor wedding with no plan B for weather issues. So again, we had to decline.
-------------------------
Searching for a venue was our greatest concern with this crazy project. A venue is a huge donation, and we are incredibly moved by the generosity these venue owners have shown. We'd strongly encourage any couple to consider these venues; these people are truly lovely, extremely generous, and understanding of the issue of budget.
While venues were our greatest concern, the search was fun. It's amazing how much a venue affects your entire image for your wedding. Everything from lighting to colours can be affected by locale, much to my rookie dismay...with each venue offer, I would find myself changing my mind on areas of planning that had already been pretty much settled. Couples, beware! Don't settle too soon if you're looking at a few options, and remember that the friendliness of the venue will entirely affect your experience. We wouldn't have had to worry with any of these venues, of course, but that's what's so amazing about this project: the amazing people we're meeting, and the kindnesses being offered to us.
Now that we've settled on Stanley's, we're beginning planning in earnest. I am so excited, and also feeling new forms of nervousness that weren't there before the wedding had become so much more tangible. I knew we'd found the right place, by the way, as we walked around it: Brian's eyes were bright, he was dead silent in awe, and he became very thoughtful. When I asked what was up, he said that the wedding now seemed very real. I loved that, seeing him moved in such a genuine way, and it's furthering my own excitement.
So, without further ado, we announce our wedding will be at Stanley's Olde Maple Lane Farm!
The reception is taking place in the South Lawn Tent; without a doubt, you'll want to take a look at the photos on the virtual tour page:
This 'tent', which should really be called a canvas house, has a gorgeous front door, bathrooms on-site, and a built-in bar. It is here that we will dance the night away, enjoying our potluck dinner with friends, family, and some new friends met through the P:P project. Guests who want a break from the music and crowd can wander out for a moonlit stroll around the grounds.
Earl, owner of Stanley's, was the kind and amazing fellow who offered us this venue; to avoid infringing on busy wedding season bookings (which at Stanley's, runs year round--picture a snowy wonderland at their sugarbush!) we have worked out that our wedding will be on Monday, August 22. Yes, it's not a typical Friday or Saturday, but we're totally happy with it. It is a little earlier than we originally discussed--I had a momentary panic attack at losing 30-60 days of planning time--but it's going to be so beautiful, and we won't have to worry as much about Ottawa's wild autumn weather patterns.
The tent will easily hold our 200 guests, and for those that are thinking this venue is amazing but have a larger or smaller event in mind, take a look at the virtual tour on the site: they have an adorable house on the property with a giant sundeck that suits a smaller wedding with dancing on the porch. And for giant affairs, they have a main facility that can host 800 standing, or 500 seated, guests.
Stanley's is further helping us out by providing tables, chairs, and a bartender for the cash bar. Earl, and Rhonda, who works in the Stanley's office: thank you so very much for making our wedding day even more amazing than we could possibly imagine it would ever be. We wanted a wedding that allowed us to be close to nature without being at its mercy; a venue that would allow us to embrace our giant families wholeheartedly; and a place that would be flexible for our offbeat wedding ways. We are still in awe that this venue is ours.
Equally amazing in our eyes are the other venues that were offered to us. For reasons we'll explain as we go, these venues were not quite as suitable for our day; but this does not take away one iota from our thankfulness, our joy and appreciation of the offers, and our absolutely positive experiences in communicating with the owners. Let's review!
------------------
Our first offer was from the Herb Garden in Almonte. Learn more at their website, http://www.herbgarden.on.ca/. As I mentioned before, I have been to the Herb Garden many times for their summer HerbFest, a wonderful gathering of vendors who offer or work with herbs, newage type goodies, and food. I love this festival and since its discovery, I have only missed it once when I couldn't get out of work. The grounds are adorable; there are beds of herbs growing that you can walk through, some of them gorgeous (and all of them making me envious as I recall the scrawny plants I have managed to maintain or maim in my own efforts to be green-thumbed). The ceremony would take place under an adorable white gazebo with guests' chairs arranged on the lawn.
The grounds is full of these shady, gnarly trees, which I immediately pictured Brian climbing as he is unable to pass by a good climbing tree without making the attempt.
The ceremony would be held in the old (original) barn. The light comes in from the logs, and it just has that wonderful woodiness to it.
The grounds would be ours to wander, including an herb labyrinth and a small outdoor patio. My favourite part of the grounds was actually a smaller log cabin that sits beside the main barn: the drying house. The top floor is used to dry the herbs, and the main floor can be used to seat a small dinner party of about 30. What makes this little cabin so gorgeous is the herbs that hang from the ceiling: the entire space is filled with gorgeous, colourful, flowered herbs. I asked Gerry (of Gerry and George, the Herb Garden owners) about the herbs, and Gerry said that depending on the year, the herbs can grow so well, they actually hide every inch of the ceiling. The idea of eating dinner in this space was so nice, and I felt like really, most of the decoration was already naturally supplied. We didn't get a picture of this space, though, so you're going to have to just picture it with your vivid imaginations.
So we thought this space was amazing. Who wouldn't. There were a couple of minor hitches for our particular wedding plans, however. First off, the barn is an old, original barn. In late September or early October, there is a good chance our guests would have to wear mittens and coats. Gerry and George were amazing and offered us any date in September or October that did not have another wedding scheduled on it, but when we really considered dates, we realized we may be into cold/rainy season by the time all was said and done.
The second hitch: the barn holds about 70 people for a seated dinner. Our moms have just recently completed their guest lists for us, and have been very good at keeping the number as low as possible; but the chances of us getting our guest list below 150 is highly improbable. Counting photographers, DJ, and our own guest list etc., we are probably still at 200 people. There is a large field that Gerry pointed out, large enough to hold festival tents and (as Gerry recommended), guests could play a soccer game or set up some tents. Unfortunately, with no leads so far from P:P on a donation of festival tents, we felt our hands were tied.
The Herb Garden is beautiful, and Gerry is such a sweet, down-to-earth fellow. He and George have owned the Herb Garden for about nine years now, and based on the friendly welcome alone, I would recommend that anyone have their wedding at this intimate, cheery locale. In the end, unfortunately, we had to decline. I do, however, find myself wondering about other gatherings I could hold in the future at the Herb Garden.
____________
We were offered two other locations for which no site visit was immediately necessary.
The first is the Bikers Church, located in the City Church in Vanier (a neighbourhood of Ottawa). The website: http://wp.bikerschurch.com/,The church was originally a Catholic church built in the 70's, so it's not exactly the stereotypical gothic cathedral; the stained glass is more abstract, and the shape is more rectangular than arched and pointed. I have actually been to this church on a number of occasions: my parents used to attend a particular pastor's services, and I used to tag along some Sundays because Pastor Eric was a pro at telling bible stories like action and romance movie plots. I love a good storyteller. Anyway, I am very familiar with the inside of this church, and it is, in essence, one giant open space. The pews had been removed way before my time, and folding chairs are used instead, which means that any configuration can be made up. There is a raised stage at the front (back?) of the church where the musicians usually play, and the basement even has a full kitchen. Pastor Rob of the Bikers Church offered us the venue for both ceremony and reception. I think this is such a cool idea, to get married at the bikers' church, given that Brian has specifically requested that motorcycles be involved with the wedding. As space would not be an issue, this location remained on at the top of our list for some time. The 'minuses' for our particular wedding vision were few, but important: one was, we were hoping for a certain element of nature in the venue, and the neighbourhood is not the kind with a park close-by for sunset walks. There would certainly not be an ideal location for photos. The other issue was that we very much want a handfasting ceremony, with nods to the pre-Christian earth-based faiths we both have embraced, and understandably, that may have caused some discomfort for the church. I think we may have found some sort of compromise on these issues, but in the end we were offered a venue that offered solutions to these dilemmas, so we also decline the Bikers Church.
------------------
Our next offer was from a Bed & Breakfast in Winchester, about an hour outside of town: The Terrace Green B&B. Annette Angus, owner of the B&B, offered us use of the property for the weekend to hold our wedding. Website:
Annette was excited by P:P because her goal is to "provide couples with the opportunity to have a very nice wedding without breaking the bank". Annette stated, wisely, that she ould rather see a couple save their money for down payment on a home. Annette has completed a wedding planning course, and the B&B has hosted half-a-dozen weddings already.
This venue is, as you can see, adorable. Unfortunately for our needs, I would have to break my one promise to my dad in order to take this location: I would being having an outdoor wedding with no plan B for weather issues. So again, we had to decline.
Searching for a venue was our greatest concern with this crazy project. A venue is a huge donation, and we are incredibly moved by the generosity these venue owners have shown. We'd strongly encourage any couple to consider these venues; these people are truly lovely, extremely generous, and understanding of the issue of budget.
While venues were our greatest concern, the search was fun. It's amazing how much a venue affects your entire image for your wedding. Everything from lighting to colours can be affected by locale, much to my rookie dismay...with each venue offer, I would find myself changing my mind on areas of planning that had already been pretty much settled. Couples, beware! Don't settle too soon if you're looking at a few options, and remember that the friendliness of the venue will entirely affect your experience. We wouldn't have had to worry with any of these venues, of course, but that's what's so amazing about this project: the amazing people we're meeting, and the kindnesses being offered to us.
Now that we've settled on Stanley's, we're beginning planning in earnest. I am so excited, and also feeling new forms of nervousness that weren't there before the wedding had become so much more tangible. I knew we'd found the right place, by the way, as we walked around it: Brian's eyes were bright, he was dead silent in awe, and he became very thoughtful. When I asked what was up, he said that the wedding now seemed very real. I loved that, seeing him moved in such a genuine way, and it's furthering my own excitement.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Germs will bring us together...
Nothing will slow down wedding planning--and responsible blog-updating--like illness.
I woke up the other day, feeling fine. Really, really fine, the kind of fine where you immediately start planning your wardrobe because you're going to look THAT fantastic today. It was my last day off for the week (so, my Friday), and I was looking forward to a few hours of wedding planning and blogging before derby meetings and practice. Instead, just about noon hour as I was wrapping up some of the less fun tasks for my day, I experienced the panic-inducing symptoms of a very irate stomach.
I have no intention of detailing the next few hours to you, but suffice it to say, stomach bugs SUCK. Every day seems to bring a new opportunity to enhance my relationship with Bri, however, and this was no exception. Just as I was at the most intense point of wretching, teary, moaning, agonizing digestive misery, Brian came home for lunch. He stood outside the bathroom door and asked if there was anything he could do. It was a moment of truth: early on in our relationship, I had helped Brian through a three-day stomach flu that made Linda Blair look like a girl scout, and I never batted an eye. I did not judge him, I do not look at him today only to find some gruesome detail of that epic event inexorably linked to my mental memory of him. Yet somehow, it's different when it's the other way around. Standing outside the door yesterday, he asked if he could come in, and I said no; but within the next breath I changed my answer, my 'yes' so weak it sounded like a sad kitten. I'm confident many of you out there know that depth of illness where you'd rather just give up all semblance of dignity and have a caring soul there with you, as you're fairly certain you're going to die anyway, and then what will it matter how horrific you looked?
Brian was gallant. He held me in his arms on the bathroom floor, and when I was able to leave my white-tiled hell, he had put my pillows and blanket on the couch for me, made me chicken noodle soup, and had turned on Gilmore Girls. He tucked me into the couch, gave me my laptop, and told me I had a one-day-only special permission to look at the wedding blogs (from which I have been banned by Mo, due to the overload of ideas I was getting). He made sure I was comfortable before he returned to work, and when he came home a few hours later, he made me scrambled eggs and toast, and surprised me with something wonderful: he'd found a favourite movie of mine at the grocery store in the bargain bin--a movie I have not been able to find anywhere in the city! ('Dave', before you ask...an oldie but a goodie.) It felt as if letting him care for me through something as vulnerable as digestive pyrotechnics had actually brought us closer together; like sharing that level of trust was another step on our path together as a couple...albeit a horrific, unappealing step, but a step nonetheless. We lay on the couch together, Brian keeping me supplied with tea and crackers while I shivered and repeatedly apologized for being so disgusting. Brian passed no judgement, took tender care of me, and carried me to the bedroom like a Harlequin heroine when I was ready for bed.
Sometimes a mate does something so incredibly sweet for you, you're certain you could not ever fully return the favour. Taking care of me, as he did, is definitely one of those instances. I thought all day today about what I could get, make, or give him that would express my undying love and gratitude for his kindness. All I have been able to think of so far is to lavish him with kisses, which I have been doing quite diligently all evening.
He's smiling at me adoringly now, so I'm going to take my leave from the internet for the night. We will get back on track shortly with entries detailing offers, venue visits, and more. In the meantime, if you have a special someone, I heartily recommend cuddling up with them right now.
I woke up the other day, feeling fine. Really, really fine, the kind of fine where you immediately start planning your wardrobe because you're going to look THAT fantastic today. It was my last day off for the week (so, my Friday), and I was looking forward to a few hours of wedding planning and blogging before derby meetings and practice. Instead, just about noon hour as I was wrapping up some of the less fun tasks for my day, I experienced the panic-inducing symptoms of a very irate stomach.
I have no intention of detailing the next few hours to you, but suffice it to say, stomach bugs SUCK. Every day seems to bring a new opportunity to enhance my relationship with Bri, however, and this was no exception. Just as I was at the most intense point of wretching, teary, moaning, agonizing digestive misery, Brian came home for lunch. He stood outside the bathroom door and asked if there was anything he could do. It was a moment of truth: early on in our relationship, I had helped Brian through a three-day stomach flu that made Linda Blair look like a girl scout, and I never batted an eye. I did not judge him, I do not look at him today only to find some gruesome detail of that epic event inexorably linked to my mental memory of him. Yet somehow, it's different when it's the other way around. Standing outside the door yesterday, he asked if he could come in, and I said no; but within the next breath I changed my answer, my 'yes' so weak it sounded like a sad kitten. I'm confident many of you out there know that depth of illness where you'd rather just give up all semblance of dignity and have a caring soul there with you, as you're fairly certain you're going to die anyway, and then what will it matter how horrific you looked?
Brian was gallant. He held me in his arms on the bathroom floor, and when I was able to leave my white-tiled hell, he had put my pillows and blanket on the couch for me, made me chicken noodle soup, and had turned on Gilmore Girls. He tucked me into the couch, gave me my laptop, and told me I had a one-day-only special permission to look at the wedding blogs (from which I have been banned by Mo, due to the overload of ideas I was getting). He made sure I was comfortable before he returned to work, and when he came home a few hours later, he made me scrambled eggs and toast, and surprised me with something wonderful: he'd found a favourite movie of mine at the grocery store in the bargain bin--a movie I have not been able to find anywhere in the city! ('Dave', before you ask...an oldie but a goodie.) It felt as if letting him care for me through something as vulnerable as digestive pyrotechnics had actually brought us closer together; like sharing that level of trust was another step on our path together as a couple...albeit a horrific, unappealing step, but a step nonetheless. We lay on the couch together, Brian keeping me supplied with tea and crackers while I shivered and repeatedly apologized for being so disgusting. Brian passed no judgement, took tender care of me, and carried me to the bedroom like a Harlequin heroine when I was ready for bed.
Sometimes a mate does something so incredibly sweet for you, you're certain you could not ever fully return the favour. Taking care of me, as he did, is definitely one of those instances. I thought all day today about what I could get, make, or give him that would express my undying love and gratitude for his kindness. All I have been able to think of so far is to lavish him with kisses, which I have been doing quite diligently all evening.
He's smiling at me adoringly now, so I'm going to take my leave from the internet for the night. We will get back on track shortly with entries detailing offers, venue visits, and more. In the meantime, if you have a special someone, I heartily recommend cuddling up with them right now.
A realization....
The last week I have come to a massive realization: the fact that our project is working, thanks to friends, new ones and old. We went into this project thinking wouldn't it be nice if someone helps us out, lets us borrow a set of vases that were collecting dust, or an aspiring artist might get two more people looking at their art; but as this project grows and grows it's incredible to think about how kind everyone has been. We have received well wishes from across the country, and showings of support from around the world. people have donated their time and people keep looking at our blog. This has allowed us to promote people's work to over 6,000 people now.
It is awesome to think that because two people are getting married, a ton more are getting businesses started, people's work is generating interest, and random acts of kindness are still happening.
Thank you everyone for allowing us the opportunity to have all these amazing things happen; I can't wait to see what the next nine months bring.
Brian from Project: Priceless
It is awesome to think that because two people are getting married, a ton more are getting businesses started, people's work is generating interest, and random acts of kindness are still happening.
Thank you everyone for allowing us the opportunity to have all these amazing things happen; I can't wait to see what the next nine months bring.
Brian from Project: Priceless
Thursday, November 18, 2010
4500 hits on our blog!
Just a quick note of thanks to all you awesome people out there who have checked out our blog over the last month and four days. We have managed to track 4500 hits thus far (with a couple days where the stats tool broke, so we estimate much higher, easily 5000), and that's amazing. Thank you so much for the support, the interest, and the participation in our experiment. You all rock!
xoxo-Jordan and Brian
xoxo-Jordan and Brian
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Big White Dress
I spent a day this weekend in Montreal, looking at wedding dresses at the Plaza St Hubert, a huge outdoor mall that is literally super-saturated with dress shops. Bri was in training, Mo couldn't come, so I went by myself. I packed some cookies, a water, and a map. I brought my notebook to make notes on styles and shapes. I was as prepared for this event as I could possibly be.
My first mistake was walking into the first store without a clear agenda in mind. In the past week, a little voice has been whispering at me, "I want a white dress". I have shushed this little voice every time, yet here I am amidst the largest array of white dresses I have yet seen, and I can't stop myself from thinking, maybe white isn't so bad...
I'll skip ahead for a moment and tell you, I saw a wide range of green dresses at the Plaza, all shapes and sizes, many identical in cut and fabric to the wedding dresses. I hated them all. The greens looked weird, I kept thinking 'leprechaun', and it just made me sad. I also kept having one nasty blog poster's comment play over in my head (something about 'A green dress? So tacky!'), which was demoralizing and made me realize just how stressful this little taste of fame has been, such as it is.
I realize now that my picture of a green dress was meant to be only if I completely eschewed the wedding dress silhouettes and fabrics. I think I pictured a dress like Kate Winslet's in Titanic, the one she wore the night she tried to jump off the ship--which I recognize is probably not the best imagery to connect with one's wedding. Either way, I have now tried on a rather large number of white dresses, and I find that I'm leaning heavily towards this colour. I could walk you all through a dozen rationalizations for this decision, rationalizations that have been assuaging my own concerns that I've lost my mind, but the simplest one is this: I decided my mantra for the wedding is, 'I acknowledge tradition, I just want to muck it up'. If this is true, how better to do that than to take a white dress (I acknowledge), then pair it with leather riding boots and a motorcycle jacket (I muck it up)?
Anyway, with this new, and still tentative, decision to consider white as an option for my dress, I entered the first store with my ideas of the perfect dress once again unclear. I offered the saleswoman a range of confused suggestions as to my taste and style, and ended up in a crystal-studded a-line strapless number that made me look fantastic...but left me feeling detached from the reflection in the mirror. I did manage to try on a simple, tulle-less trumpet-silhouette* dress, with a lace sheath, that I had been eyeing in a magazine, and I loved it; but the 'fun' was really lacking. I looked sombre, somehow, or very au naturale. You know, not the naked kind, but the 'I just rolled out of bed and found this pretty dress in my closet, so then I went and picked some wildflowers while wandering around looking pensive' kind of au naturale. Waifish. Which is great, but not the spirit of the wedding.
After a few more attempts, I found a shop with a small selection of knee- and tea-length dresses. I tried them on, and immediately felt focused again, like a compass pointing north: tea-length is what I want. Great. Nevermind that the two she had looked odd on my hips. The shape was almost right and if we stuffed a crinoline underneath...yes, there it was, almost right. That Audrey Hepburn-meets-Donna Reed look that was both elegant, and party-worthy. So close! At the same store I tried on a yellow (bad, dog-pee-in-snow yellow) dress with navy blue embroidery. The colours made me despair, but the neckline was a true sweetheart with a halter-style strap, a fitted waist, and then a larger skirt. If it hadn't been floor length, it would have been near-perfect. I could feel I was close, soooo close to finding what I wanted.
I entered the next few stores promising myself that I would not even glance at a dress that was longer than tea-length. That worked for about ten seconds, until I realized what was missing from the dresses I'd been looking at: sparkle and texture. So I found myself searching through racks of cathedral trained dresses again, unable to walk away.
The reality is, I look good in almost any dress. I have a small figure with curves where they should be and modestly proportioned. I have a pretty face, and my dark hair and eyes seem to go really well with the light fabrics. With virtually every dress I've tried on, the saleswomen have been amazed at how good I look. I know this sounds pretty conceited, but it's not meant to; it's a fact, and it's actually making things harder. (I know, poor girl, eh? Sorry.) How do you choose a dress that reflects you and not just end up with a dress that is really stunning because of how it looks on you? With growing despair, I realized that I could walk out of any of these stores with almost any dress and look great, which meant there were way too many options. And of course, there was the issue of how this dress will happen: will I be offered a donated dress that's just right? Will I find a designer or shop that wants to donate? Here's hoping. Though I have admitted to myself and to my family that the dress is the one area I may end up paying for (somehow) myself, I want to believe that the right dress will come out of this crazy project without my meddling.
On the verge of a panic attack, I told myself that I would just have to come back to Montreal, and the Plaza, sometime soon with Mom and Mo. Clearly I was not able to handle this by myself. I was absolutely not going to look left or right...oh, I know that shop name! Well, I'll just peak in...
Ten minutes later, I am standing in a borrowed bustier and my pink striped panties while a little old woman (highly reminiscent of Miss Celine** from the Gilmore Girls) maneuvers giant dresses over the top of my head. She puts me in a dress that sparkles with tiny crystals, sits at my natural waist, and then plumes out around me like a ballgown from a black-and-white film. She says something, addressing me as 'the bride', and I stare at the myriad reflections of me bouncing between the surrounding mirrors. I am the bride. I am the bride. I am a bride. I don't know why it hit at that moment, why my mind dwelled on the word, rolling it over on the tongue of my consciousness like a new flavour; but it suddenly seemed more tangible, not quite in my grasp, but so close...the fingers of my mind grazed the edge of the concept, and for a brief moment, I wasn't standing with this woman in a high-end boutique in Montreal. I was surrounded by green trees, in a big tent, laughing with my guests and giving my sweet Brian adoring looks.
It wasn't the perfect dress, of that I am certain. It was, however, a wake-up call. I definitely wanted a dress I could feel connected to, and a vintage look was calling to me. In that dress, the image of myself and the image of a bride overlapped and very nearly aligned themselves into one three-dimensional picture. But not quite. I took off the dress with a sigh, asked for the serial number, and left.
I managed to keep my head down the rest of the way along the Plaza. I was starving by this point, having exceeded four hours of searching and completely missing out on lunch. I stopped for a sandwich and reviewed my map, deciding to walk back to the hotel despite the fact that in the morning, a concierge had convinced me to cab it down to the mall. It hadn't seemed that far as I noted our path through the city, so I decided to gamble and walk back.
Five kilometers of walking, after four hours of shopping and carrying a laptop bag stuffed with a computer and magazines, is not a lot of fun. My advice for other brides: splurge on the cab.
I had over an hour of walking to think about the dresses, and I did so. Mo was unreachable for texting on the subject, and my mom's phone is possessed, so I never know if she's getting my texts or not. I let my mind review the dozens of dresses, and I came to a few conclusions:
1. I want the Audrey-meets-Donna look: tight waist, crinoline-widened skirt.
2. I am not afraid of white.
3. I will personalize the dress with green tulle and crinolines and sashes and maybe gloves.
4. I like texture, especially lace, but I'm also happy with embroidery.
5. I want sparkle!!!
6. Tea length is a must.
I dreamed that night of the wedding gowns. It didn't help that the bed linens in the hotel were all white, and that the cover felt exactly like taffeta. I kept picturing the old lady at the last boutique, the endless tunnels of tulle and mesh from which I was birthed as she pulled me through the top of each dress. I obsessively counted beads and pearls, I waded through unnavigable seas of crinoline. I woke up with some sort of dress shopping hangover.
But then something amazing happened. I turned on my computer and checked Twitter, curious to see who was up and about. A link to a link of a follower's led me to a website. The website is of a little dress shop in the UK. The shop specializes in swing-era 'circle dresses' with sweetheart necklines, halter straps, and petticoats. Coloured petticoats. O my. And upon further searching, they have a wedding dress:
1. It is the quintessential Audrey-meets-Donna look: tight waist, crinoline-widened skirt.
2. It comes in white and ivory.
3. I can personalize it easily with a green sash, green petticoats, green gloves, green bolero...
4. It is LACE. Lace overlay with shiny satin under.
5. I could easily add sparkle to the dress with minimal effort.
6. It is an absolute perfect tea length.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about this dress all day. I estimate it will cost, in Canadian, 170.00. Then, of course, the green crinoline/petticoat, which I'll have to search for or make. So really, for about the cost of the average bride's hairdo, I can have THEE dress. There, I said it: THEE dress!
I had better give it a couple days. Because maybe I'll see something else I like better, right? Yeah. Surrrre. I am going to close the website right now. Not another click. I am absolutely going to stop looking at all the pictures of it. Done and done.
Yup.
*tulle: I have learned the correct spelling, though 'toile' is also a fabric. I am becoming well-versed in the world of ballgown materials, to my delight and dismay.
**Miss Celine, for those who don't know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq_BpvzldAk
My first mistake was walking into the first store without a clear agenda in mind. In the past week, a little voice has been whispering at me, "I want a white dress". I have shushed this little voice every time, yet here I am amidst the largest array of white dresses I have yet seen, and I can't stop myself from thinking, maybe white isn't so bad...
I'll skip ahead for a moment and tell you, I saw a wide range of green dresses at the Plaza, all shapes and sizes, many identical in cut and fabric to the wedding dresses. I hated them all. The greens looked weird, I kept thinking 'leprechaun', and it just made me sad. I also kept having one nasty blog poster's comment play over in my head (something about 'A green dress? So tacky!'), which was demoralizing and made me realize just how stressful this little taste of fame has been, such as it is.
I realize now that my picture of a green dress was meant to be only if I completely eschewed the wedding dress silhouettes and fabrics. I think I pictured a dress like Kate Winslet's in Titanic, the one she wore the night she tried to jump off the ship--which I recognize is probably not the best imagery to connect with one's wedding. Either way, I have now tried on a rather large number of white dresses, and I find that I'm leaning heavily towards this colour. I could walk you all through a dozen rationalizations for this decision, rationalizations that have been assuaging my own concerns that I've lost my mind, but the simplest one is this: I decided my mantra for the wedding is, 'I acknowledge tradition, I just want to muck it up'. If this is true, how better to do that than to take a white dress (I acknowledge), then pair it with leather riding boots and a motorcycle jacket (I muck it up)?
Anyway, with this new, and still tentative, decision to consider white as an option for my dress, I entered the first store with my ideas of the perfect dress once again unclear. I offered the saleswoman a range of confused suggestions as to my taste and style, and ended up in a crystal-studded a-line strapless number that made me look fantastic...but left me feeling detached from the reflection in the mirror. I did manage to try on a simple, tulle-less trumpet-silhouette* dress, with a lace sheath, that I had been eyeing in a magazine, and I loved it; but the 'fun' was really lacking. I looked sombre, somehow, or very au naturale. You know, not the naked kind, but the 'I just rolled out of bed and found this pretty dress in my closet, so then I went and picked some wildflowers while wandering around looking pensive' kind of au naturale. Waifish. Which is great, but not the spirit of the wedding.
After a few more attempts, I found a shop with a small selection of knee- and tea-length dresses. I tried them on, and immediately felt focused again, like a compass pointing north: tea-length is what I want. Great. Nevermind that the two she had looked odd on my hips. The shape was almost right and if we stuffed a crinoline underneath...yes, there it was, almost right. That Audrey Hepburn-meets-Donna Reed look that was both elegant, and party-worthy. So close! At the same store I tried on a yellow (bad, dog-pee-in-snow yellow) dress with navy blue embroidery. The colours made me despair, but the neckline was a true sweetheart with a halter-style strap, a fitted waist, and then a larger skirt. If it hadn't been floor length, it would have been near-perfect. I could feel I was close, soooo close to finding what I wanted.
I entered the next few stores promising myself that I would not even glance at a dress that was longer than tea-length. That worked for about ten seconds, until I realized what was missing from the dresses I'd been looking at: sparkle and texture. So I found myself searching through racks of cathedral trained dresses again, unable to walk away.
The reality is, I look good in almost any dress. I have a small figure with curves where they should be and modestly proportioned. I have a pretty face, and my dark hair and eyes seem to go really well with the light fabrics. With virtually every dress I've tried on, the saleswomen have been amazed at how good I look. I know this sounds pretty conceited, but it's not meant to; it's a fact, and it's actually making things harder. (I know, poor girl, eh? Sorry.) How do you choose a dress that reflects you and not just end up with a dress that is really stunning because of how it looks on you? With growing despair, I realized that I could walk out of any of these stores with almost any dress and look great, which meant there were way too many options. And of course, there was the issue of how this dress will happen: will I be offered a donated dress that's just right? Will I find a designer or shop that wants to donate? Here's hoping. Though I have admitted to myself and to my family that the dress is the one area I may end up paying for (somehow) myself, I want to believe that the right dress will come out of this crazy project without my meddling.
On the verge of a panic attack, I told myself that I would just have to come back to Montreal, and the Plaza, sometime soon with Mom and Mo. Clearly I was not able to handle this by myself. I was absolutely not going to look left or right...oh, I know that shop name! Well, I'll just peak in...
Ten minutes later, I am standing in a borrowed bustier and my pink striped panties while a little old woman (highly reminiscent of Miss Celine** from the Gilmore Girls) maneuvers giant dresses over the top of my head. She puts me in a dress that sparkles with tiny crystals, sits at my natural waist, and then plumes out around me like a ballgown from a black-and-white film. She says something, addressing me as 'the bride', and I stare at the myriad reflections of me bouncing between the surrounding mirrors. I am the bride. I am the bride. I am a bride. I don't know why it hit at that moment, why my mind dwelled on the word, rolling it over on the tongue of my consciousness like a new flavour; but it suddenly seemed more tangible, not quite in my grasp, but so close...the fingers of my mind grazed the edge of the concept, and for a brief moment, I wasn't standing with this woman in a high-end boutique in Montreal. I was surrounded by green trees, in a big tent, laughing with my guests and giving my sweet Brian adoring looks.
It wasn't the perfect dress, of that I am certain. It was, however, a wake-up call. I definitely wanted a dress I could feel connected to, and a vintage look was calling to me. In that dress, the image of myself and the image of a bride overlapped and very nearly aligned themselves into one three-dimensional picture. But not quite. I took off the dress with a sigh, asked for the serial number, and left.
I managed to keep my head down the rest of the way along the Plaza. I was starving by this point, having exceeded four hours of searching and completely missing out on lunch. I stopped for a sandwich and reviewed my map, deciding to walk back to the hotel despite the fact that in the morning, a concierge had convinced me to cab it down to the mall. It hadn't seemed that far as I noted our path through the city, so I decided to gamble and walk back.
Five kilometers of walking, after four hours of shopping and carrying a laptop bag stuffed with a computer and magazines, is not a lot of fun. My advice for other brides: splurge on the cab.
I had over an hour of walking to think about the dresses, and I did so. Mo was unreachable for texting on the subject, and my mom's phone is possessed, so I never know if she's getting my texts or not. I let my mind review the dozens of dresses, and I came to a few conclusions:
1. I want the Audrey-meets-Donna look: tight waist, crinoline-widened skirt.
2. I am not afraid of white.
3. I will personalize the dress with green tulle and crinolines and sashes and maybe gloves.
4. I like texture, especially lace, but I'm also happy with embroidery.
5. I want sparkle!!!
6. Tea length is a must.
I dreamed that night of the wedding gowns. It didn't help that the bed linens in the hotel were all white, and that the cover felt exactly like taffeta. I kept picturing the old lady at the last boutique, the endless tunnels of tulle and mesh from which I was birthed as she pulled me through the top of each dress. I obsessively counted beads and pearls, I waded through unnavigable seas of crinoline. I woke up with some sort of dress shopping hangover.
But then something amazing happened. I turned on my computer and checked Twitter, curious to see who was up and about. A link to a link of a follower's led me to a website. The website is of a little dress shop in the UK. The shop specializes in swing-era 'circle dresses' with sweetheart necklines, halter straps, and petticoats. Coloured petticoats. O my. And upon further searching, they have a wedding dress:
1. It is the quintessential Audrey-meets-Donna look: tight waist, crinoline-widened skirt.
2. It comes in white and ivory.
3. I can personalize it easily with a green sash, green petticoats, green gloves, green bolero...
4. It is LACE. Lace overlay with shiny satin under.
5. I could easily add sparkle to the dress with minimal effort.
6. It is an absolute perfect tea length.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about this dress all day. I estimate it will cost, in Canadian, 170.00. Then, of course, the green crinoline/petticoat, which I'll have to search for or make. So really, for about the cost of the average bride's hairdo, I can have THEE dress. There, I said it: THEE dress!
I had better give it a couple days. Because maybe I'll see something else I like better, right? Yeah. Surrrre. I am going to close the website right now. Not another click. I am absolutely going to stop looking at all the pictures of it. Done and done.
Yup.
*tulle: I have learned the correct spelling, though 'toile' is also a fabric. I am becoming well-versed in the world of ballgown materials, to my delight and dismay.
**Miss Celine, for those who don't know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq_BpvzldAk
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Offers: Round 3, Part 3 (of 3)
Part 3 of 3, of Round 3 offers! Read down the site to see all three entries, detailing the offers we got this week.
PHOTOGRAPHY:
Sam Jazzy was mentioned, I believe, in our first posting of offers. Sam Jazzy is a friend of us both, and has taken photos all over the city. Refer back to our first ‘offers’ list to read more. Sam, we love you and thank you for your kindness in offering your skills to our big day.
Adam Pap is a new offer this week. Adam is about our ages, and is just getting into photography. Turns out, he’s kind of amazing. Adam, we’re going to let your photos speak for themselves. We are so very excited to have you photographing our wedding. Adam’s awesome pics can be seen at http://photosbyadampap.com
So we’ve also had a couple other photography offers that we aren’t ready to post yet, but here’s what we’re planning to do: I have a soft spot for new photographers, having been raised by one (hi, Dad), and I know how hard it can be, spreading the word about your photos and yourself. So I’m really loathe to turn down any photographer. I want to promote you, and I want you to have a venue to showcase your work! And how cool would a photo album be of one wedding, as seen by, say, four different photographers? So shutterbugs, keep your offers coming. We’re going to work out a plan that makes this possible, ‘cause what we’re thinking is, we’ll have each photographer focus on a different part of the big day, or different events leading up to the big day, or some sort of similar arrangement. Let us talk it over, figure out logistics, and get back to you. But we’re happy to take on a couple more offers.
PLANNER:
Ah, our saving grace: Veronica. Veronica has offered her services as a burgeoning wedding and event planner. I will talk more about Veronica later in the month, as we will be having a meeting (her, I, Brian, and Mo’) at that time. Then I’ll know lots more and be able to share more. We want to be sure everyone feels like this is a good fit before proudly proclaiming her our event planner, but I have a good feeling. And we need the help. Like, BADLY.
Note: Veronica resigned from her position as wedding planner for personal reasons.See December 2010 posts for info on our search for a new planner. http://projectpriceless.blogspot.com/2010/12/offer-and-request.html
Note: Veronica resigned from her position as wedding planner for personal reasons.See December 2010 posts for info on our search for a new planner. http://projectpriceless.blogspot.com/2010/12/offer-and-request.html
EXTRA COOLNESS:
Brian, as you know, works for DAVIDsTEA. DAVIDsTEA is this amazing chain of tea stores that is exploding across the country. They sell loose-leaf tea by the gram, and tons of amazing tea accessories. Their teas are amazing. Seriously. No bias here. I am a tea lover and would tell you if the tea wasn’t great. Okay, I might not say that here, but I wouldn’t lie to you, either. It’s really, really great tea. The flavours are excellent, there isn’t a bunch of filler in everything, and you don’t get that biting, bitter aftertaste that you get from bagged tea. You can order some online if you haven’t got a David’s in your neighbourhood yet, but give it time: the company is opening dozens of new stores in the new year. Anyway, all this to say, DAVIDsTEA is donating goodies for our big day. We want to better confirm exactly what, but so far we’re understanding that we can have David’s staff on site serving tea to our guests. We think this would be such a cool addition to that ‘cocktail hour’ that apparently is a part of every wedding, yet I have failed to ever notice! So let’s make it fun, and serve really awesome teas to our guests while they mingle. Thank you, DAVIDsTEA! You rock. http://www.davidstea.com/
Also in the ‘extra coolness’ category is a gift from the girls at Lululemon, Westboro location. They’ve offered to make up personalized tees for the wedding party (ie. ‘bride’, ‘groom’, ‘best man’, etc), and they’re donating two pieces of luggage to us for our honeymoon. How cool are you guys?! Thank you so much, ladies. You literally surprised me speechless that day.
And lastly in ‘extra coolness’, we have Kaitlin W. Kaitlin knows Brian from his last workplace, and heard about us through the media coverage. She has graciously offered us labour. I got so excited about this, Kaitlin! She has offered to help out with tasks before, or during, the wedding…anything from addressing invites, to serving food. Kaitlin, your offer is so heartwarming and we think you’re awesome. Thank you so much and we will, no doubt, take you up on your offer.
Oh, one last thing: a general shout-out here to everyone who has sent us advice on where to find things cheap, how to cut costs, and warnings on wedding pitfalls. I’m trying to keep track of you all but it’s not easy. If I haven’t responded to you yet, hear my big ‘thank you!’ right now! Advice is always good.
VENUE
We have been graced with several venue offers in the last week or so. It’s amazing how much the venue affects every aspect of a wedding—the theme, the look, the date, the setup…wow. We have not yet decided on a venue, nor are we turning away any new offers. But the offers we’ve gotten are for awesome places…
The Herb Garden was our first offer. The Herb Garden is located in Almonte, Ontario, and is super duper cute. I have been there many times for their yearly HerbFest, a wonderful gathering of vendors and music and food. They have offered us their wedding venue, a cool antique barn, and of course roaming rights of the herb gardens and land. I cannot do this place justice by writing about it; it’s the kind of place where you see unique butterflies, and herbs so pretty you want to roll them between your fingers to smell them. They have an adorable gazebo that, if the weather is good, can be the focal point of the ceremony.
We have to set a time to meet, but it’s looking like there’s a few quirks to take into consideration, given our budget (ha!) and some of our senior family members. Almonte is out of town for us, so it may be a little difficult to get some of our older family members out there. We need to rent bathroom facilities, something I know nothing about. And if the weather is cold next fall, the barn is not heated. Oh, and we’ll likely only fit 90 guests for dinner. We’re discussing with our moms to see what they think, and we’ll have to really debate. I love this venue. Gerry and George, thank you so much for your kindness. I absolutely adore your property! It’s beautiful and I feel a connection to it. Sigh. Check it out at http://www.herbgarden.on.ca/
Stanley’s Olde Maple Lane Farm in Edwards, Ontario (not far) has offered us their South Lawn Tent location. Go to www.stanleysfarm.com and look at the virtual tour page; the map will show you the area, and there are photos. All I can say is, WOW. I have never seen such an amazing tent. We are gobsmacked by the beauty of this location. We have tons of questions, and need to meet with Stanley’s staff to iron stuff out. So far, the only quirk we know of, is that Stanley’s is offering us a Wednesday in late August. Fair enough, as this is free of charge…but how angry will friends and family be? We really need to meet with them and then we’ll get back to you with more news. Stanley’s, thank you for this amazing offer.
Lastly, we have had an offer from pastor Rob at the Bikers' Church, to use the church itself. We still have to find out more details on this one for sure, including whether we’re able to use it for both the ceremony and the reception, or just the ceremony. We’re eager to hear back. I have actually been to this church, as my parents used to attend service there when a different ministry was using the building (the church itself is known as the City Church, in the Vanier neighbourhood). It’s huge. Like, enormous. No pews, so it’s perfect for any four-aisle set-up, and it’s familiar, which again makes me happy. Brian hasn’t seen it yet, but as I touched on earlier, we like the fact that while it’s a church (not our original plan), it’s the biker church. My mom, as well, says Rob (who has also offered to officiate) is quite cool. He looks quite cool; check out their site: http://bikerschurch.com/ Rob, thank you for your generous offer and we hope to chat more with you soon. Truly, I think this is such a very cool offer!
We’ll have another offer to update you with in a couple days…we just need a bit more detail to be sure we’re representing properly.
* * *
That’s all our offers for now…at least, the ones we’ve confirmed. I’m working on compiling a page just of items/services that go into a wedding, and putting the names and offers with them. Then we’ll be able to see where we’re missing offers more easily, and you readers can more easily reference anything you’d like to.
We’re really happy with the mix of independent and commercial donors thus far. We also really like that we’ve gotten offers from people just starting out in the field. This is the kind of thing we were hoping for! Reciprocal helping is so important, and surprisingly easy. And for those non-commercial donors, we love you so much; you come to our project from that part of the heart that has nothing to do with personal gain, and everything to do with spreading kindness. Thank you to everyone. This is really, really shaping up!
Offers: Round 3, Part 2
Here comes more offers...
OFFICIANTS:
We have had a few offers of officiants, and have not chosen one yet. We have a friend who I was really hoping would be able to do the job for us (Hi, Kim!), but we have to see if that can happen yet…paperwork, blah blah blah. We want a pretty unique ceremony, and some pretty unique officiants have come forward…
Alan Viau has offered his services. Alan has a blog, weddingchaplain.wordpress.com that I suggest you check out. Alan books up way in advance, so if you’re thinking of booking him, act fast. (Just don’t take our date…whatever that ends up being!) Alan, we are so grateful for your offer and you know we’ll be in touch.
David Clemis has offered his services; he works with All Seasons Weddings, known for their handfastings (which we want). David is able to waive the majority of this officiant fee, making his fee only $150 for us. David, thank you so much for the offer. It’s very kind of you and we greatly appreciate it. While Brian and I have discussed the offer and currently cannot say yes to it, due to the fact that a) we have an important job with this project, in sticking with the rules ourselves, and b) we cannot currently budget for the fee…we are still very honored and find it hard to turn down an offer from a business known for its handfastings. David, thank you so much!
Rob Dale is our third offer. We’ll talk a bit more about Rob in the ‘venues’ blurb. Rob is the pastor for the Ottawa Biker’s Church. I have more to say about this, but in the interest of keeping organized, I’ll do most of my rambling when we cover venues. Let me just say: Rob, when we read your offer, I laughed out loud with glee. The wonderful idea of getting married at the Biker’s Church just tickled me in the best way. Since our mantra for this wedding is, “I acknowledge tradition; I just like to muck it up”, your offer seems very appropriate.
CAKE/CUPCAKES:
For those following posts this week, I think it’s safe to say, we’ve chosen our cake maker. Isabelle Crowe is a local cake-making genius. She shared the recently she came to the realization that she is destined to share her cakes with people, free-of-charge. Well we are so glad this is the case, and that Isabelle found us and wanted to share with us. Isabelle’s cakes are beautiful, original, and FUN—we are soooo happy you found us, Isabelle. We are still chatting with Isabelle about what she’ll make, and what size, as we have some other offers for cake-type things, and to avoid overtaxing any one baker, we may mix and match for the big day, or ask one of the bakers to make a cake for the engagement party, instead. But Isabelle, you have been such a sweetheart over the last week, and such a devout champion for us, that between your spirit and your beautiful cake designs, we are incredibly honored to have you make our wedding cake. Thank you so very very much.
Here are a couple of Isabelle's cakes:
Here are a couple of Isabelle's cakes:
We have offers from a couple other bakers, but we’re going to hold off sharing these until we chat with them a little further. This is to avoid confusion; we’d hate to misrepresent what people are offering, or put them in an awkward spot. Rest assured, we will let you know as soon as we get it worked out.
DRESSES:
Okay, so I feel we need to recap the dress offers thus far:
-My aunt Heather offered her dress.
-My mom offered my grandma’s dress from her second marriage.
-My cousin Sue offered the loan of her dress (I had a good laugh, Sue; you’re about as thick around as one of my legs. You sweet girl, you; thank you for thinking I’d ever fit in it.)
-Melanie Clement, Robb Kerr’s lovely girlfriend, offered her dress.
-This week, a woman named Tulin S. offered her lovely dress, and
-a woman named Karen Waters also offered her beautiful gown.
To my dismay, I have so far declined every offer. Every dress has been absolutely beautiful, and I have been in absolute awe of the number of women willing to share such a special item with another person. It’s so hard to turn any of these down, yet…I keep being told, seemingly by everyone I meet lately, that when I find the right dress, I’ll know it. I haven’t had that feeling yet, not even from the ones in the stores that I have tried on (though I’ll admit, we got pretty close that first day).
I have taken note, however, of the number of wedding dresses out there that people are willing to part with for the right cause, and I’m now going to be encouraging brides to donate to a couple of charities, if I decline the dress. There are a couple charities in the Ottawa area that will accept your wedding dress as a donation, and resell it at a very low price (estimated $300 and up) to new brides; the profit then goes to cancer research and care. There is a second one I’m researching that helps couples facing a terminal illness get married; I’m looking to see if they have need of dresses. I have offered, as a help, to pick up any of the dresses offered by brides to me, and if they’re not the one I end up wearing, I will take it over to the charity for them, to save them the trip and extra step.
I will write a post, soon, about dresses. It’s actually a good thing I didn’t write one sooner, as it turns out, my tastes have wildly changed since seeing what is out there. Until then, keep sending me your dress offers and I’ll let you know what I learn about the charities, and hey—maybe the right dress will be the very next offer.
I’m thankful to the deepest degree for your offers of dresses, ladies, and if you’ll let me collect your dress and bring it to a good cause, that’d be amazing, too.
JEWELRY:
The first offer I can highlight here (there’s a couple others pending) is from Frash Femme. Isobel at Frash Femme has offered to make an item for my bridal ensemble. I’m thinking, depending on the dress, something with pearls. We’re still encouraging more jewellery geniuses to step forward, especially those with edgy styles, as most of the potential wedding party is edgy and unconventional, with the exception of one young woman, and possibly the two moms.
On another note, Brian still needs a ring. We’ve decided, primarily for budgetary reasons, that my engagement ring is the only one I’ll have (it’s perfect though, and wide, so I don’t feel I’m losing out one bit), but Bri would like to have a ring, too, and I’m planning to oblige. Anyone know an independent goldsmith or jeweller they’d recommend? A favourite local shop? Give us an email and let us know.
Offers: Round 3, Part 1
It feels like forever since I got to sit and really write an entry here. I know it hasn’t really been that long, but the last seven days have been whirlwind. We have had so many offers, and I want to be sure to do them all justice; thus, this may turn into two or three separate posts.
STATIONARY: MORE DETAIL
Okay, so we covered, briefly, the offer from Pink Pug Ink in the last ‘offers’ entry, but I wanted to take a moment longer and talk a bit more about Milena, and give you guys a chance again to offer suggestions on how best to use her talents. Milena is a papercrafter from New Jersey. She does a real variety of stuff, and participates on Craftster—only the world’s coolest craft site. (I, too, am a member.) Milena is starting to sell in the New Year, taking her passion from hobby to livelihood. Good for you, Milena! She has offered to create items for us…not maybe so many as 200 invites, but something a bit more easy-to-handle. We’re asking you all to offer some suggestions by commenting on this post. Some of her creations I like, that give me ideas for our wedding (mostly in terms of items, not the themes, lol), are here:
Adorable cards, followed by a 3-D haunted house...the idea I love, can it be reworked for a wedding?
Adorable cards, followed by a 3-D haunted house...the idea I love, can it be reworked for a wedding?
Also:
A pug love scrapbook:
A really cute card:
This is just awesome:
I’m thinking, maybe something 3-dimensional to put on the ‘guest book’ table? Or special cards to say thanks to the wedding party? I’m not a wedding aficionado, so I’m having some trouble thinking of all the little details that make up a wedding…this is where you come in, readers!
STATIONARY: INVITES
Brian’s mom, Fran, is an accomplished card maker and stamping fanatic. We had dinner with the four parents last week at our apartment, and Fran offered to make our invites for us. We reminded her that there could be upwards of 200 people, and she didn’t waiver. Fran, we think you’re nuts, but we’re really glad about it. I will post pictures, when there’s some pictures to post…even the stamps and paper we choose. Thank you, Fran! This is a big job!
FLORIST:
I have developed a soft spot in my heart for Christina of Flower & Flour. Christina contacted us earlier this week. She is a sweetheart and does some really great things with flowers…especially with the greens and wiring. Christina, I cannot wait to talk to you more about your ideas, and I have to start writing mine down because they flit in and out of my head like fireflies. We are very excited about this offer! Christina is offering to make us the bride's bouquet, the maids’ bourquets, the corsages and boutonnieres, and one rocking arrangement for the ceremony. This is way more flora than I ever thought we’d have. I’m very excited—did I mention that yet? Check out Flower & Flour on Christina’s site, http://www.flowerandflour.ca/, but better yet, search out Flower & Flour on facebook, ‘like’ their page, and see the albums. Christina, thank you so very much for your offer. I am so happy that you found us, and really looking forward to working with you and your cool, funky style. I absolutely adore your use of greens.
Another local florist/craftsperson, Cynthia Wannamaker, has also offered her floral arranging skills for our wedding, if we can provide the materials. Cynthia has a few good weddings under her belt and continues to grow her portfolio. We love this entrepreneurial spirit and think it meshes well with P:P’s values. Unfortunately, as we’re well into planning with Flower & Flour, as well as having some family friends planning to help with any handmade decorations I decide to make, we are not in need of another florist right now. Cynthia, you know how grateful we are, and we wish you all the very best. You can see Cynthia’s work here:
Posting Part 2 now!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Media, again!
If you read our rebuttal post to the handful of negative (but vocal) commentators, you know that we've been in the media quite a bit lately. I'd like to take a moment and say thank you to all the kind and caring comments we've gotten as well. The lovers far outweigh the haters, though we did choose to offer a response to the haters so that any confusion on our project or ourselves would be clarified.
This week, we had further media attention through the following outlets:
Nov 12 2010: The Ottawa Sun, article by Scott Taylor: http://www.ottawasun.com/news/ottawa/2010/11/10/16074076.html#/news/ottawa/2010/11/10/pf-16074076.html
Nov 12, 2010: Ottawa Start, http://ottawastart.blogspot.com/2010/11/ottawa-couple-tries-to-free-source.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FsBHK+%28OttawaStart+Blog%29&utm_content=Twitter
This is awesome. A lot of discussion about the concepts we're working with--social media, marketing, community giving, and the difference between a fun activity and a true charity--has been generated. We encourage discussion of the concept and the ideas. And we've had a huge amount of offers come through this week, so this media attention is definitely helping us spread the word. We're grateful to the press for picking up on our story.
We're working hard to get to a point where we can provide the world with a great list of this week's offers, so stay tuned; probably on Sunday, we will have them well sorted-out. We are being very careful not to post anything prematurely, so that we don't misrepresent anybody, any business, nor what they are precisely offering. I can say, the back-and-forth emailing I've been doing this week with people and businesses has been really fun, and I feel like we're becoming more familiar with our community. Everytime we talk to someone new, it's as if the world gets a little bigger, yet more intimate. Pretty cool stuff.
The day is off to a good start, and I have a lot of running around to do today, so it's good when a busy day starts off nice. I owe this entirely to sweet Bri, who made me toast, brought it to me in bed, and then took the dog out. These little things he so excels at tells me everyday that he loves me. Well, back at ya, Cowboy.
This week, we had further media attention through the following outlets:
Nov 12 2010: The Ottawa Sun, article by Scott Taylor: http://www.ottawasun.com/news/ottawa/2010/11/10/16074076.html#/news/ottawa/2010/11/10/pf-16074076.html
This is awesome. A lot of discussion about the concepts we're working with--social media, marketing, community giving, and the difference between a fun activity and a true charity--has been generated. We encourage discussion of the concept and the ideas. And we've had a huge amount of offers come through this week, so this media attention is definitely helping us spread the word. We're grateful to the press for picking up on our story.
We're working hard to get to a point where we can provide the world with a great list of this week's offers, so stay tuned; probably on Sunday, we will have them well sorted-out. We are being very careful not to post anything prematurely, so that we don't misrepresent anybody, any business, nor what they are precisely offering. I can say, the back-and-forth emailing I've been doing this week with people and businesses has been really fun, and I feel like we're becoming more familiar with our community. Everytime we talk to someone new, it's as if the world gets a little bigger, yet more intimate. Pretty cool stuff.
The day is off to a good start, and I have a lot of running around to do today, so it's good when a busy day starts off nice. I owe this entirely to sweet Bri, who made me toast, brought it to me in bed, and then took the dog out. These little things he so excels at tells me everyday that he loves me. Well, back at ya, Cowboy.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Hate on me, hater...
Since beginning our blog in 2010, we have learned what Internet Trolls are all about. We have had some angry people post some angry comments on various online locations, and unfortunately, sometimes people follow these haters and get all irate, themselves. To date, Brian and I have chosen to ignore these comments, not to dignify them with an answer. Truly, there is only a handful in comparison with the outpouring of support. There was also a good chance that any comment we made would simply result in further argument, as, in my experience, someone who hates usually doesn't want their mind changed. Well, we are taking one entry here to address this matter. After this, we are going to do our best not to address it any further.
Before we begin, we'd like to stress an important point.
This is an experiment in social media, in community kindness, indie marketing, eco-stewardship, and basically, creating a fun event that's out of the norm. We pose the questions, can we connect a community through blogs, facebook, and twitter? Will individuals contribute as they hear about us through these new-age means? Will commerical artisans and businesses gain promotion through donations of goodies that will be shown off both through that social media, as well as through word of mouth and use at the wedding? This is not about the money, people. If we won the lottery tomorrow, we would still continue with this experiment because we've become fascinated by the response it has received. This is not a charity project--it is a fun and quirky way to have a great time planning and celebrating our wedding, with the added bonus of saving money, reusing and reducing waste, and promoting cool businesses.
The project started out simply: use social media to ask friends and family to find craft supplies, an old suit, and some decorations. It grew, and it grew fast. When strangers and indie artisans asked to be involved, we thought that was super fun. Our modest vision of a backyard wedding soon grew to something far grander...and we have been gratefully amazed every single day. We have worked hard to repay these blessings through trades, time-in-exchange, volunteerism, and word-of-blog promo for everyone. For some, a wedding is a sombre occasion with no room for frivolity; for us, it's been a freakin' adventure from the start, and it's been absolutely wild. We dreamt of a vintage dress and some cupcakes...we have received much more, and best of all, we have made tons of new friends and expanded our own personal community! AND, we aren't even done yet!
But, for those who still have burning questions, let's treat this like an FAQ.
I went to college, and graduated three years ago. I am employed in my field (social services), routinely as a part time or contract employee; it's cheaper for employers, and funding grants these days are small so a lot of places hire part time. Two summers ago I lost a job that I loved, when the position was 'reconstructed' to reduce costs, resulting in my lay off. I now maintain two part time jobs in my field.
I also freelance paint, illustrate, and design. I do this as frequently as humanly possible. I don't feel a need to justify this area further. It helps pay the bills, and is a nice break from the stressors of working with the homeless, people with addictions, and people suffering traumas.
Again, we repeat: this is not a charity project, so the issue of 'deserving' or 'undeserving' is moot; this is a fun and quirky way to plan our wedding and see what comes out of it. Regardless of our status in life, we would have liked to try this project out.
Secondly: We're being really honest on this blog, so let me include a couple notes here. We chose not to highlight some of the 'poor me' sides of our story. Because we don't really want people getting involved out of a sense of guilt or sympathy. This is not a charity. We want people to get involved because they have enough, and are able to share. Or because they had their big day, and now there's 25 matching vases sitting in their garage from the centrepieces and that's a waste. Or because they're an artisan and they'd like to contribute and get a shout-out. See, everyone wins: if you donate because you have enough to share, you get to feel good about that; if you donate because your wedding is done and you really would like the space back in your garage, that's awesome; and if you're a craftsperson who could use the promo, this is a win for you, too.
Our own involvement with our community makes us real believers in the joy that comes from helping others. Brian was a member of Expose in high school and volunteered there, helping teenagers quit smoking; he ran a support group for people who wanted to quit and helped develop programs around the targeting of youth by cigarette company advertising. He received the Goulburn Kiwanis Citizenship Award for his over 3000 hours of volunteerism. He also volunteered at local soup kitchens, summer camps (offering his services as a second-degree karate black belt to provide martial arts lessons to underprivileged kids), and also volunteered as a youth leader at the Y summer camps.
As for myself, I volunteered for a few things in high school but found my real volunteer calling around age 18, when I began volunteering with the Rainbow Youth Advisory Committee at the Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa. I helped to forge a sub-committee that provided free art classes at the Ottawa School of Art for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and two spirit (GLBTTQ) kids who felt too bullied in high school to actively participate in art classes. I also helped create a 'coffee house' night at Centretown Community Health Centre, to provide a space for GLBTTQ teens to socialize outside of settings where booze is sold or consumed. I went on to coordinate Pink Triangle Youth for five years running, as well as coordinating the Youth Pride events for two years running, heralding the first-ever youth pride day. I've created art for numerous non-profit causes, including the conception and creation of a fashion line made entirely from materials that homeless people use for warmth and shelter (ie. a blue tarp ball gown). By the time I applied for college, I conservatively estimated I had worked over 3000 volunteer hours, at some points working 25 hours a week on various projects. I have received numerous awards for my activism, and a nomination for the YWCA Women of Distinction Awards. In the fall, I will be involved with various other projects, including taking my position as Artistic Director on a non-profit board that coordinates yearly fundraisers for homelessness.
I highlight these accomplishments to show that both Brian and I understand the value of giving, and the value of community. We have given selflessly for years, and we continue to do so. I question whether all the haters truly understand what giving is all about; I feel confident in saying that Brian and I are intimate with the concept. We believe, because we practice the concept, that people can help each other out--and not just when people are in the most dire of circumstances. Indeed, if we were all better connected in our communities, we would likely have less isolation, marginalization, and poverty.
5.b. "A wedding isn't a marriage; do you understand that the marriage is what counts?"
Yes. We do. When I sat by Brian's side in the hospital this winter (see the blog entries), we got a pre-marriage practice run of the whole 'in sickness and in health' part. Through sickness, lay-offs, a cross-country move, and even deaths, we have been there for each other and we know we're just starting out. We celebrate our love and successes whenever and however we can, and this project is one of those ways. A marriage is hard work, but it's also about celebration of lives shared. So yes, we understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. We want both.
Oh yeah, and just because we're trying to save money doesn't mean we don't have some wishlist items. When you're poor, you don't lose your opinions, styles, or taste. We're human, but we're flexible. I admit, I did not immediately accept my mother's offer of my grandma's 1980's wedding gown. But you know what? If no other suitable offer comes through, Mom and I will mod up that gown, or I'll make something out of old t-shirts, or maybe (here's hoping, constantly) I'll get a fat art commission and be able to afford my own dress. Who knows.
We do not plan to justify every penny of our daily spending over the next year. Because this is not a charity project, but rather a social experiment that happens to also (thank god) be cost-saving, it is not of dire concern if we spend ten extra dollars this week on a pizza. We've shared with you our financial situation because it is, indeed, relevant, but we don't think it should be the entire focus of your interest or participation in the project.
This is an experiment, and even you haters are part of it. We knew you'd be out there. People with anger, jealousy, fear, or hurt in their hearts, who would need to feel heard. We're going to be moderating blog comments from now on, although we didn't want to; but this is, after all, a happy occasion for us, and you're mucking it up.
This project was born from the fact that we are not wealthy, but the idea was one we ran with because we saw it as a fun and unique way to promote kindness. And, I personally got really excited about the idea of having businesses contribute because as a freelance artist, I would be alllll over a project like this. I would love to donate something to a wedding where my work would get promoted! Or, as a larger business with resources to spare, what a cool way to get locally involved! How fun!
We aren't sure why you handful of haters have felt the need to try to drag us down. We don't think you have the right to say what type or size of wedding we 'deserve'; we feel we deserve the same as any other couple, actually. This is a special, spiritual day for Brian and I. We want it to be awesome. And we wanted to have some fun with it.
We are loving this project. We've gotten some amazing offers--not because they're fancy or pricey, but because they're from the heart. The woman offering to make us a cake has comments all through our blog at this point; my darling cake angel, you are truly incredible in every possible way. Your kindness is what this project has been all about. I will secretly (ha ha) admit, the one wedding item I have always wanted was a beautiful cake, but I knew I would never be able to afford one. You are making a silly, girlish dream come true--but a great one! And that, haters, is what this is all about. Is it frivolous, a wedding that involves anything beyond a judge and a courthouse? Well, sure, I guess they all are. But it's a day wrought with more meaning than almost any other in a couple's life. We wanted it to be special the whole way through, so we have literally opened up our lives to the world for the planning year, and we are sitting here with open arms, happy to embrace the community that is out there.
I hope that we will be able to help future couples with their weddings. I'm really enjoying this, and I'm hoping that we gain enough of a following that after the wedding, we can continue this project in some form, perhaps with other weddings for other couples? I don't know, it's so early yet. Let us think on it. Brian and I are givers, and perhaps we were naive in being a little underprepared for those haters out there that are not. Ah well, you've had your time on the soap box, and now we've had ours.
Last FAQ:
xoxo,
Jordan and Brian
Before we begin, we'd like to stress an important point.
This is an experiment in social media, in community kindness, indie marketing, eco-stewardship, and basically, creating a fun event that's out of the norm. We pose the questions, can we connect a community through blogs, facebook, and twitter? Will individuals contribute as they hear about us through these new-age means? Will commerical artisans and businesses gain promotion through donations of goodies that will be shown off both through that social media, as well as through word of mouth and use at the wedding? This is not about the money, people. If we won the lottery tomorrow, we would still continue with this experiment because we've become fascinated by the response it has received. This is not a charity project--it is a fun and quirky way to have a great time planning and celebrating our wedding, with the added bonus of saving money, reusing and reducing waste, and promoting cool businesses.
The project started out simply: use social media to ask friends and family to find craft supplies, an old suit, and some decorations. It grew, and it grew fast. When strangers and indie artisans asked to be involved, we thought that was super fun. Our modest vision of a backyard wedding soon grew to something far grander...and we have been gratefully amazed every single day. We have worked hard to repay these blessings through trades, time-in-exchange, volunteerism, and word-of-blog promo for everyone. For some, a wedding is a sombre occasion with no room for frivolity; for us, it's been a freakin' adventure from the start, and it's been absolutely wild. We dreamt of a vintage dress and some cupcakes...we have received much more, and best of all, we have made tons of new friends and expanded our own personal community! AND, we aren't even done yet!
But, for those who still have burning questions, let's treat this like an FAQ.
1. "If you want a wedding but can't afford it, why don't you just go to City Hall?"
City Hall is not, for us, a wedding. City Hall is a piece of paper that says the government acknowledges your relationship and will tax you accordingly. This is a license; it is a registration. It is not a wedding. A wedding is a gathering of family and friends to celebrate the promises made between two people. A civil ceremony is not the same thing, to us. Our familial and spiritual traditions call for a gathering, and we are having one.2. "Why don't you get a job [variations: 'real job', 'full time job', etc] and pay for this yourself?'
We both have jobs. Brian manages a store. He has worked hard to get to his position. Before working in retail, he was employed by the City; the program he was working for hired him on contract and he was laid off (economy!). Brian put himself through a semester of college before realizing he was unable to afford it. Brian works very hard to be the best in whatever field he finds himself; it's now retail management. I'm proud of him everyday for his hard work in a job that many of us couldn't handle, manage, or put up with.I went to college, and graduated three years ago. I am employed in my field (social services), routinely as a part time or contract employee; it's cheaper for employers, and funding grants these days are small so a lot of places hire part time. Two summers ago I lost a job that I loved, when the position was 'reconstructed' to reduce costs, resulting in my lay off. I now maintain two part time jobs in my field.
I also freelance paint, illustrate, and design. I do this as frequently as humanly possible. I don't feel a need to justify this area further. It helps pay the bills, and is a nice break from the stressors of working with the homeless, people with addictions, and people suffering traumas.
3. "Why would we give to people who aren't deserving?"
Again, we repeat: this is not a charity project, so the issue of 'deserving' or 'undeserving' is moot; this is a fun and quirky way to plan our wedding and see what comes out of it. Regardless of our status in life, we would have liked to try this project out.
Secondly: We're being really honest on this blog, so let me include a couple notes here. We chose not to highlight some of the 'poor me' sides of our story. Because we don't really want people getting involved out of a sense of guilt or sympathy. This is not a charity. We want people to get involved because they have enough, and are able to share. Or because they had their big day, and now there's 25 matching vases sitting in their garage from the centrepieces and that's a waste. Or because they're an artisan and they'd like to contribute and get a shout-out. See, everyone wins: if you donate because you have enough to share, you get to feel good about that; if you donate because your wedding is done and you really would like the space back in your garage, that's awesome; and if you're a craftsperson who could use the promo, this is a win for you, too.
Our own involvement with our community makes us real believers in the joy that comes from helping others. Brian was a member of Expose in high school and volunteered there, helping teenagers quit smoking; he ran a support group for people who wanted to quit and helped develop programs around the targeting of youth by cigarette company advertising. He received the Goulburn Kiwanis Citizenship Award for his over 3000 hours of volunteerism. He also volunteered at local soup kitchens, summer camps (offering his services as a second-degree karate black belt to provide martial arts lessons to underprivileged kids), and also volunteered as a youth leader at the Y summer camps.
As for myself, I volunteered for a few things in high school but found my real volunteer calling around age 18, when I began volunteering with the Rainbow Youth Advisory Committee at the Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa. I helped to forge a sub-committee that provided free art classes at the Ottawa School of Art for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and two spirit (GLBTTQ) kids who felt too bullied in high school to actively participate in art classes. I also helped create a 'coffee house' night at Centretown Community Health Centre, to provide a space for GLBTTQ teens to socialize outside of settings where booze is sold or consumed. I went on to coordinate Pink Triangle Youth for five years running, as well as coordinating the Youth Pride events for two years running, heralding the first-ever youth pride day. I've created art for numerous non-profit causes, including the conception and creation of a fashion line made entirely from materials that homeless people use for warmth and shelter (ie. a blue tarp ball gown). By the time I applied for college, I conservatively estimated I had worked over 3000 volunteer hours, at some points working 25 hours a week on various projects. I have received numerous awards for my activism, and a nomination for the YWCA Women of Distinction Awards. In the fall, I will be involved with various other projects, including taking my position as Artistic Director on a non-profit board that coordinates yearly fundraisers for homelessness.
I highlight these accomplishments to show that both Brian and I understand the value of giving, and the value of community. We have given selflessly for years, and we continue to do so. I question whether all the haters truly understand what giving is all about; I feel confident in saying that Brian and I are intimate with the concept. We believe, because we practice the concept, that people can help each other out--and not just when people are in the most dire of circumstances. Indeed, if we were all better connected in our communities, we would likely have less isolation, marginalization, and poverty.
4. "We had to save for our wedding; why don't you?"
The last few years have shown Brian and I that, given our own experiences with health challenges, job loss, family strife, and other hurdles, we are not likely to be in a position to save up for much. Could we save up a small amount of money and have twenty close friends join us in a backyard? Sure. And we were ready to do that. But we decided we'd rather have some fun, reuse and recycle other brides' old decorations, and give some artisans a chance to showcase their work. Isn't this really more fun for everyone in the end? We acknowledge and appreciate that many couples save and save for their big day, but perhaps more of us should be lending, donating, and sharing what we have to make each others' days special. I think a lot of couples fear the loss of control that comes with letting others donate to a day that is highly personal. We have our fears, too, but we are willing to try. If it's not your thing, no problem. Please note, though, that we are not writing on your blogs, telling you how much you suck for saving up all that money for a stupid party. Because we understand that a wedding celebration is way more meaningful than just a government-recognized certificate.5. "A wedding is a privilege, not a right; how dare you?"
We think that gathering and celebrating your spiritual and cultural traditions is actually, really, a right. I'm pretty sure what you're really asking is, how dare you feel righteous enough to expect a wedding beyond your pocketbook's means. There's no way to argue this reasonably. Suffice it to say, that's highly elitist and ridiculous.5.b. "A wedding isn't a marriage; do you understand that the marriage is what counts?"
Yes. We do. When I sat by Brian's side in the hospital this winter (see the blog entries), we got a pre-marriage practice run of the whole 'in sickness and in health' part. Through sickness, lay-offs, a cross-country move, and even deaths, we have been there for each other and we know we're just starting out. We celebrate our love and successes whenever and however we can, and this project is one of those ways. A marriage is hard work, but it's also about celebration of lives shared. So yes, we understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. We want both.
6. "Aren't you asking for handouts?"
Yep. Bring us your slightly dusty silk flower arrangements that you've held onto for three years. Lend us your microphone that you use once a year at New Years for your family karoake night. Hand 'em on out! Hey, do you know how to make beautiful bouquets, and do you want to make us some? Great! And you know what? Feel free to ask us for a hand any time. Let's all ask for a hand. And we've actually been able to help other brides with offers since we started. We have been able to pass along wedding goodness to others, and we plan to continue doing so with our own wedding leftovers. Pay it forward! 7. "Where do you get off having rules, expectations, and guidelines?"
Come on, guys, they're pretty loose. We're mostly worried about getting, say, six offers of a chuppa. Or someone who's willing to make us a cake, but they only make erotic cakes, so are you willing to accept a 5-tier penis tower? Things like that. We set some parameters because we'd be foolish not to. As it is, we've had some duplicate offers and we are actually trying to accommodate everyone so that no one gets a 'no'. Those we can't accommodate, we try to share with others. Because we've opened this experiment up to everyone in the whole wide world, we have to have some guidelines or true chaos would ensue. Seriously, just picture the madness.Oh yeah, and just because we're trying to save money doesn't mean we don't have some wishlist items. When you're poor, you don't lose your opinions, styles, or taste. We're human, but we're flexible. I admit, I did not immediately accept my mother's offer of my grandma's 1980's wedding gown. But you know what? If no other suitable offer comes through, Mom and I will mod up that gown, or I'll make something out of old t-shirts, or maybe (here's hoping, constantly) I'll get a fat art commission and be able to afford my own dress. Who knows.
8. "Why do you think it's okay that you want 200 guests?"
Because we have large families that, if at all possible, we don't want to leave out. We see our uncles and aunts maybe twice a year. Outside of Christmas and funerals, it's weddings that gather the families. If we can't support such a crowd, we'll be sad and then we'll move on. Remember, too: with a potluck, disposable china, and homemade centrepieces, the only added expense of 200 people is the invites and the size of venue.9. "If Brian could afford a ring, why don't you just save again for the wedding?"
This one kind of ticks me off. I have no idea how Brian pulled off getting me a ring. I can tell you, it was very very inexpensive...way way way less than two months' salary (thanks for that pressure, DeBeers), that's for sure. Brian and I have been working so hard to pay down debts and to be able to afford our apartment and groceries that I really don't know how he did it, but I suspect he went 'without' a lot of times I didn't notice...perhaps not grabbing a sandwich when he got stuck at work for twelve hours, or maybe not filling up on gas by five bucks. I really don't know. I know we looked at a ring before Christmas (just 'cuz it was pretty, and we were walking by) that was about one-fifth the cost of the average engagement ring, and I made him promise not to spend that much ever on a ring for me. He promised, and he swears he stuck to it. The ring is the first piece of jewelry Bri has ever bought me--EVER. I have a shell that he gave me that I made into a pendant, and a five dollar antique key which I also made into a necklace. I love this ring. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I did not pick it out, I did not know what it would look like, it cost less than the silver plated box most others come in, and it is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.We do not plan to justify every penny of our daily spending over the next year. Because this is not a charity project, but rather a social experiment that happens to also (thank god) be cost-saving, it is not of dire concern if we spend ten extra dollars this week on a pizza. We've shared with you our financial situation because it is, indeed, relevant, but we don't think it should be the entire focus of your interest or participation in the project.
10. "Are you expecting gifts at your wedding, too?"
We don't really expect gifts ever. We like gifts. Who doesn't like gifts? So far, only a few people who were on our initial invite list have donated to the wedding, so the majority of people potentially invited aren't donors, if that's your concern, haters. If we have the space, we'd like to have all the donors come, too, of course, and no there would not be an expectation to bring a gift. This question is a weird one to me; how is it any of your concern whether my aunt gives me a blender for our wedding? Unless you are, in fact, my aunt who is writing hateful things, hidden under the cowardly and ever-so-clever alias "anonymous"; in that case, all potential invitees should know that we would never expect a gift from anyone who did not feel, in their heart, that they wished to give one. (My darling aunts: you know I'm teasing and I know you're not posting hateful stuff. xox)11. "Anything else you'd like to say in your defense?"
Yes.This is an experiment, and even you haters are part of it. We knew you'd be out there. People with anger, jealousy, fear, or hurt in their hearts, who would need to feel heard. We're going to be moderating blog comments from now on, although we didn't want to; but this is, after all, a happy occasion for us, and you're mucking it up.
This project was born from the fact that we are not wealthy, but the idea was one we ran with because we saw it as a fun and unique way to promote kindness. And, I personally got really excited about the idea of having businesses contribute because as a freelance artist, I would be alllll over a project like this. I would love to donate something to a wedding where my work would get promoted! Or, as a larger business with resources to spare, what a cool way to get locally involved! How fun!
We aren't sure why you handful of haters have felt the need to try to drag us down. We don't think you have the right to say what type or size of wedding we 'deserve'; we feel we deserve the same as any other couple, actually. This is a special, spiritual day for Brian and I. We want it to be awesome. And we wanted to have some fun with it.
We are loving this project. We've gotten some amazing offers--not because they're fancy or pricey, but because they're from the heart. The woman offering to make us a cake has comments all through our blog at this point; my darling cake angel, you are truly incredible in every possible way. Your kindness is what this project has been all about. I will secretly (ha ha) admit, the one wedding item I have always wanted was a beautiful cake, but I knew I would never be able to afford one. You are making a silly, girlish dream come true--but a great one! And that, haters, is what this is all about. Is it frivolous, a wedding that involves anything beyond a judge and a courthouse? Well, sure, I guess they all are. But it's a day wrought with more meaning than almost any other in a couple's life. We wanted it to be special the whole way through, so we have literally opened up our lives to the world for the planning year, and we are sitting here with open arms, happy to embrace the community that is out there.
I hope that we will be able to help future couples with their weddings. I'm really enjoying this, and I'm hoping that we gain enough of a following that after the wedding, we can continue this project in some form, perhaps with other weddings for other couples? I don't know, it's so early yet. Let us think on it. Brian and I are givers, and perhaps we were naive in being a little underprepared for those haters out there that are not. Ah well, you've had your time on the soap box, and now we've had ours.
Last FAQ:
12. "If your project pisses me off, what can I do?"
Stop reading about it.xoxo,
Jordan and Brian
'Welcome to the flock'?
We joined Twitter today. I have no idea how to direct you there except to say, you can search for our email (projectpriceless@gmail.com) or our username, prjectpriceless . Note the missing 'o'. I think I've officially crossed the line into old age today, as I found myself referring to a youtube video to understand how to use the site. If I've done everything correctly, I've tweeted a few times today and I've started following a number of twits, as well. Twits? Hm. When I finally finished setting up the account, the page greeted me with, 'Welcome to the flock!' It was a strangely creepy greeting, don't you think?
Today is a day for that horrendous overwhelming sensation to kick in once again. We have had some MAJOR offers this week, and somehow, I feel like we weren't prepared. Thank the heavens that Brian bought me the giant wedding planning binder, because I wouldn't have thought of half the questions we're supposed to ask. We are actually getting to the point now where we have choices to make between offers, and we are getting offers while still waiting for confirmations on others.
I had the idea today that some offers, we can combine; for instance, if two jewelry artisans offer items for the bride, we can suggest that one does a bracelet, the other a necklace. Or one adorns the maid of honor (or my mom, or Bri's mom), and one adorns me. Then we don't have to turn as many people down. But this kind of planning requires us not to say 'yes' to each offer right away, or we will have to turn a lot of people down because we didn't prepare them for the idea of splitting up a job/item/etc.
It seems awfully stupid to sound like I'm whining about having offers--I'm not! It's more that, because the offers are starting to come in, we want to be sure and do our best to honor each one. I suppose when you're doing a wedding the usual way, you probably don't worry quite as much about this type of thing. But because the whole idea is to encourage community kindness, we so badly don't want to turn anyone down.
And aside from that, I find that my amorphous ideas for themes, colours, and atmosphere keep shifting. This is, I am told, because I have not yet chosen a venue or a dress. I can see that. I can see the virtue in being patient and waiting for those important points to come together. I can also see the virtue in buying a mickey of tequila and calling it a night.
You know, I've event planned for years. As someone in community service, I have planned everything from six-person meetings to 150-people conferences. All the details worked out, there was decoration and food and entertainment, and a hall. So why is this so different? Yet it truly is.
It's going to be great. I know it is--we know it is! There`s so many amazing things coming to us now, and the media coverage is making such a huge difference in getting the word out. And this project is making us stretch and grow...I`m finding my inner `girl`, and Brian is sharing through posts, and we`ll both learn the Twitter. It`s going to be fun, and crazy, and completely unique. I`m so excited. And stressed. But also excited! Good lord, we have about 10 more months of this, don`t we?
No prob; I'll just add 'hair dye' to my list of things to pick up, and you'll never see the grey that's bound to develop around my temples...
Today is a day for that horrendous overwhelming sensation to kick in once again. We have had some MAJOR offers this week, and somehow, I feel like we weren't prepared. Thank the heavens that Brian bought me the giant wedding planning binder, because I wouldn't have thought of half the questions we're supposed to ask. We are actually getting to the point now where we have choices to make between offers, and we are getting offers while still waiting for confirmations on others.
I had the idea today that some offers, we can combine; for instance, if two jewelry artisans offer items for the bride, we can suggest that one does a bracelet, the other a necklace. Or one adorns the maid of honor (or my mom, or Bri's mom), and one adorns me. Then we don't have to turn as many people down. But this kind of planning requires us not to say 'yes' to each offer right away, or we will have to turn a lot of people down because we didn't prepare them for the idea of splitting up a job/item/etc.
It seems awfully stupid to sound like I'm whining about having offers--I'm not! It's more that, because the offers are starting to come in, we want to be sure and do our best to honor each one. I suppose when you're doing a wedding the usual way, you probably don't worry quite as much about this type of thing. But because the whole idea is to encourage community kindness, we so badly don't want to turn anyone down.
And aside from that, I find that my amorphous ideas for themes, colours, and atmosphere keep shifting. This is, I am told, because I have not yet chosen a venue or a dress. I can see that. I can see the virtue in being patient and waiting for those important points to come together. I can also see the virtue in buying a mickey of tequila and calling it a night.
You know, I've event planned for years. As someone in community service, I have planned everything from six-person meetings to 150-people conferences. All the details worked out, there was decoration and food and entertainment, and a hall. So why is this so different? Yet it truly is.
It's going to be great. I know it is--we know it is! There`s so many amazing things coming to us now, and the media coverage is making such a huge difference in getting the word out. And this project is making us stretch and grow...I`m finding my inner `girl`, and Brian is sharing through posts, and we`ll both learn the Twitter. It`s going to be fun, and crazy, and completely unique. I`m so excited. And stressed. But also excited! Good lord, we have about 10 more months of this, don`t we?
No prob; I'll just add 'hair dye' to my list of things to pick up, and you'll never see the grey that's bound to develop around my temples...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Media; Kanata Kourier
Okay, for those seeking it, you can get an online copy (or back issue) of the Nov 4 2010 Kanata Kourier by:
going to yourottawaregion.com
clicking on 'print versions' at the very top
sign in or open an account
find the Kanata Kourier and look for the Nov 4 2010 issue
our article (and AMAZING PICTURE) is on page 8, written by Jessica Cunha.
Super cute. Seriously. Take the time, sign up (and have access, free, to all the local papers), and see it. It's awesome.
going to yourottawaregion.com
clicking on 'print versions' at the very top
sign in or open an account
find the Kanata Kourier and look for the Nov 4 2010 issue
our article (and AMAZING PICTURE) is on page 8, written by Jessica Cunha.
Super cute. Seriously. Take the time, sign up (and have access, free, to all the local papers), and see it. It's awesome.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
In the media...well, kind of, but cooler...
So we have lots to update you guys on, but give us a few days to get our facts all in a row and give proper holla's to the cool offers we're getting since our appearance in the Ottawa Citizen! For now, we just wanted to highlight a cool and totally unexpected highlight that happened today.
A special shout-out goes to Audrey, who is in grade 4 at St George elementary school. Audrey is doing an assignment about us and our project this week for class. Good luck, Audrey, and let us know if you need any more help. Audrey, this is really cool and we're very honored to be the topic of your presentation.
This is most definitely one of those warm-hearted community moments that Bri and I hoped might happen. (Well, obviously we never expected to become someone's school assignment, but you know what we mean.)
Audrey, we would LOVE to get a copy of your assignment for our scrapbook!
Brian and Jordan
A special shout-out goes to Audrey, who is in grade 4 at St George elementary school. Audrey is doing an assignment about us and our project this week for class. Good luck, Audrey, and let us know if you need any more help. Audrey, this is really cool and we're very honored to be the topic of your presentation.
This is most definitely one of those warm-hearted community moments that Bri and I hoped might happen. (Well, obviously we never expected to become someone's school assignment, but you know what we mean.)
Audrey, we would LOVE to get a copy of your assignment for our scrapbook!
Brian and Jordan
The White Wedding Dress
My mother, MOH, and I went out today and tried on traditional wedding dresses.
As you may know by now, my plan for many years has been to wear a green dress. And nothing flouncy. And nothing with translucent ghosty, giant clouds of fabric. Nothing that makes me look like a rosette of whipped cream. Nothing satin, nothing with boning, nothing with a train, and nothing shiny.
But I have let myself look at some white dresses recently, because I saw one (a bridesmaid's dress actually, but in white) where the opaque layer underneath the lace sheath could be any colour I want--including green. Well, this made me think: maybe I could do something that would give a nod to the traditional, but would still be the green I've so desired. So then suddenly, many of the existing wedding dresses are potential dresses for me, because I can cut, dye, hem, and modify the things until they're a truer reflection of me. So today, we went to try some on and see what I look like in giant white meringue-like dresses.
No one--NO ONE--is more surprised than I am at how much I enjoyed the dresses today.
I tried on so many different styles. And unbelievably, there was only a very small handful of them for which I said a quick and definitive 'no'. You know what's great about the flouncy layers of toile? They make your dress all flowy and stick out in all the right spots. And little crystals embroidered onto a dress means that every time you turn, you sparkle like snow in the moonlight. Satin, done properly, all rooshed (rushed? Rouged? It's pronounced 'roosh-d') around the middle means I look like I've got a Wonder Woman waist. And white isn't nearly as...fattening...on me as I thought. In fact, quite the opposite seems to be true.
I can't tell you too much about the dresses I loved today, because they're all still on the table as ones I may try to find or recreate through donations, trades, etc. and we can't have Brian learning prematurely what I might wear. But suffice it to say, by the twentieth dress or so, we started to really get creative with ideas about replacing all the toile with green toile, putting green satin buttons down the back, and even creating removeable tiers so I can walk and dance like a 'normal' person after the ceremony itself.
By the end of the day, I put on a dress that made Heather (MOH) cry. I will admit, I was a little choked up, myself. I found myself delaying having to take it off. I haven't stopped thinking about it all night. And it's fantastically mod-friendly, so I can add a ton of green to it. Yes, a white dress...but done to be very very green.
And yet, I cannot deny: it is still a white dress.
So that leads me to ask myself, why am I opposed to the white dress? Originally I think it was because I pictured this overworked bodice with a giant ballgown skirt, and having tried one of those on before, and having kept a snapshot of the incident to tape on my fridge as a diet incentive, I know I never want to wear something like that. But now that I see that I look plenty thin in white (waif-like, even), and that I can apparently pull off the whipped-cream-rosette look really well, I don't know. I know that I hate to fit in, do things conventional, expected, or average. I always swore that I thought every wedding dress looked exactly the same as the last one, but today I saw how wrong I was. I also thought that brides who would obsessively correct you if you called their dress 'white' when they insisted it was 'ivory' had clearly lost their minds. Yet today I saw, with my own disbelieving eyes, that white and ivory are too entirely different things. Yes, my initial reaction upon walking into the shop was a choking feeling as I surveyed the countless yards of white (or ivory, natural, oyster, cream...) dresses; but after stepping into them, some like giant NASA spacesuits because of all the infrastructure and crinolines, I have seen that not all wedding dresses are created equal.
I ended the day pretty much in love with this one dress...Brian will read this but let me just say: A line, semi-matte satin, tiered, with some extra surprises we can alter in. For a wedding dress, it was reasonably priced. I felt the foreign urge to buy, on credit, a giant white dress that embodied everything I'd said I didn't want. I reminded myself of P:P and made myself take a step back. Perhaps, if this is the dress I'm meant to have, it will come to me through the project. SIGH. And perhaps I'll crack and find a way to buy it now.
As I drove home tonight, I think I figured out why I was enjoying the dresses--especially the last few, so mod-friendly--even though they were white. I've never been one to throw tradition right out the window; for instance, I would not wear pants for my wedding because I respect the iconography of the bride in a dress. But I do like to thumb my nose at tradition. By adding the riding boots I hope to wear, plus yards of green toile, and a few other quirks (you'll see!), I get to say, 'I appreciate tradition; I just like to f--- it up." And that is really, really fun. In fact, I think it's my new mantra for this whole wedding.
I find myself wondering if my reluctance to consider a white dress is partly due to some sort of rebellion that I should have outgrown around...oh, age 20, probably. Standing there today, staring at myself in a sparkling white dress looking like a moviestar, I really had to ask myself, when had I decided I hated these dresses? And I really don't know.
I think the only solution is for me to try on a bunch more. Lots and lots and lots more.
PS. To better understand the late-life rebellion concept, watch this youtube video. The original monologue is from the Gilmore Girls, as Lorelai philosophizes over her love of poptarts...this girl's audition tape had the whole script, so I'm sharing this version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fqRwNOIy1s
As you may know by now, my plan for many years has been to wear a green dress. And nothing flouncy. And nothing with translucent ghosty, giant clouds of fabric. Nothing that makes me look like a rosette of whipped cream. Nothing satin, nothing with boning, nothing with a train, and nothing shiny.
But I have let myself look at some white dresses recently, because I saw one (a bridesmaid's dress actually, but in white) where the opaque layer underneath the lace sheath could be any colour I want--including green. Well, this made me think: maybe I could do something that would give a nod to the traditional, but would still be the green I've so desired. So then suddenly, many of the existing wedding dresses are potential dresses for me, because I can cut, dye, hem, and modify the things until they're a truer reflection of me. So today, we went to try some on and see what I look like in giant white meringue-like dresses.
No one--NO ONE--is more surprised than I am at how much I enjoyed the dresses today.
I tried on so many different styles. And unbelievably, there was only a very small handful of them for which I said a quick and definitive 'no'. You know what's great about the flouncy layers of toile? They make your dress all flowy and stick out in all the right spots. And little crystals embroidered onto a dress means that every time you turn, you sparkle like snow in the moonlight. Satin, done properly, all rooshed (rushed? Rouged? It's pronounced 'roosh-d') around the middle means I look like I've got a Wonder Woman waist. And white isn't nearly as...fattening...on me as I thought. In fact, quite the opposite seems to be true.
I can't tell you too much about the dresses I loved today, because they're all still on the table as ones I may try to find or recreate through donations, trades, etc. and we can't have Brian learning prematurely what I might wear. But suffice it to say, by the twentieth dress or so, we started to really get creative with ideas about replacing all the toile with green toile, putting green satin buttons down the back, and even creating removeable tiers so I can walk and dance like a 'normal' person after the ceremony itself.
By the end of the day, I put on a dress that made Heather (MOH) cry. I will admit, I was a little choked up, myself. I found myself delaying having to take it off. I haven't stopped thinking about it all night. And it's fantastically mod-friendly, so I can add a ton of green to it. Yes, a white dress...but done to be very very green.
And yet, I cannot deny: it is still a white dress.
So that leads me to ask myself, why am I opposed to the white dress? Originally I think it was because I pictured this overworked bodice with a giant ballgown skirt, and having tried one of those on before, and having kept a snapshot of the incident to tape on my fridge as a diet incentive, I know I never want to wear something like that. But now that I see that I look plenty thin in white (waif-like, even), and that I can apparently pull off the whipped-cream-rosette look really well, I don't know. I know that I hate to fit in, do things conventional, expected, or average. I always swore that I thought every wedding dress looked exactly the same as the last one, but today I saw how wrong I was. I also thought that brides who would obsessively correct you if you called their dress 'white' when they insisted it was 'ivory' had clearly lost their minds. Yet today I saw, with my own disbelieving eyes, that white and ivory are too entirely different things. Yes, my initial reaction upon walking into the shop was a choking feeling as I surveyed the countless yards of white (or ivory, natural, oyster, cream...) dresses; but after stepping into them, some like giant NASA spacesuits because of all the infrastructure and crinolines, I have seen that not all wedding dresses are created equal.
I ended the day pretty much in love with this one dress...Brian will read this but let me just say: A line, semi-matte satin, tiered, with some extra surprises we can alter in. For a wedding dress, it was reasonably priced. I felt the foreign urge to buy, on credit, a giant white dress that embodied everything I'd said I didn't want. I reminded myself of P:P and made myself take a step back. Perhaps, if this is the dress I'm meant to have, it will come to me through the project. SIGH. And perhaps I'll crack and find a way to buy it now.
As I drove home tonight, I think I figured out why I was enjoying the dresses--especially the last few, so mod-friendly--even though they were white. I've never been one to throw tradition right out the window; for instance, I would not wear pants for my wedding because I respect the iconography of the bride in a dress. But I do like to thumb my nose at tradition. By adding the riding boots I hope to wear, plus yards of green toile, and a few other quirks (you'll see!), I get to say, 'I appreciate tradition; I just like to f--- it up." And that is really, really fun. In fact, I think it's my new mantra for this whole wedding.
I find myself wondering if my reluctance to consider a white dress is partly due to some sort of rebellion that I should have outgrown around...oh, age 20, probably. Standing there today, staring at myself in a sparkling white dress looking like a moviestar, I really had to ask myself, when had I decided I hated these dresses? And I really don't know.
I think the only solution is for me to try on a bunch more. Lots and lots and lots more.
PS. To better understand the late-life rebellion concept, watch this youtube video. The original monologue is from the Gilmore Girls, as Lorelai philosophizes over her love of poptarts...this girl's audition tape had the whole script, so I'm sharing this version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fqRwNOIy1s
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