Three days ‘til the wedding. I find myself thinking a lot about photos, and wanting to share with you about Aiden Wolf Photography, the photographer who is doing our nude ‘wedding night’ shoot with us. We’ve had to postpone the couples’ shoot ‘til after the wedding for logistical reasons (which is actually alright because it’ll be fun to do it when all the stress is over with and my eye stops twitching), but we did our individual shoots a while ago. I think the feeling that all eyes will be on me in a few days has me thinking about that photoshoot, how nervous I was and how it all went down.
You know, this may surprise you, but it’s not every day that I take off my clothes in front of a near-stranger. I mean, like many teen girls I did wonder about being a model, and educated by film and television, I knew that would mean coming to terms with getting photographed naked…and that’s exactly why I never pursued any modelling. I have no problem being naked, and I’m definitely not a prude, but doing this kind of thing in front of a camera…it just seems so insane. And that’s exactly how I felt until I had my breast reduction, when I very suddenly changed my mind and decided I wanted photos done.
My reduction was a huge process, taking years for me to find the best surgeon and years to prep for the physical aspects of it. When it was done, I was able to move so much more easily, and except for nerve damage in my back that took a few more years to really show signs of healing, I felt like a new woman. It wasn’t out of vanity, but out of pride for my courage and perseverance that I found myself wanting a shot, just one good shot, of my new silhouette sans clothing. But, as I’ve already mentioned, I’m a scaredy cat, so I put if off for, ohhh, about five years.
When Andrew of Aiden Wolf Photography came along and offered to do some shoots with us in the buff, I realized my time had come. I’m in the best shape of my young life, I like my hair, and the simple fact is, this whole wedding project has been about ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’. So we said yes, and schedule our first shoots: the individual shoots that would provide us with some great shots that we could give to each other on our wedding night as gifts.
To say I was nervous leading up to the shoot would be an understatement. At one point the day of, I thought I was going to have to cancel or risk throwing up on Andrew. But I texted him throughout the day, asking questions and joking around, and he calmed me sufficiently to get me there. And, after only about the first half-hour, I was really quite relaxed, after all! Andrew has a very friendly, human way of talking to you while you’re in this incredibly vulnerable position, a little cold and stunned into silence by the glaring floodlight that’s illuminating your bare skin. Once we both laughed a few times, I could feel my muscles begin to relax and Andrew didn’t have to pose me as much; I started naturally falling into good positions. We did some shots with the full monty, but many with bits and pieces of wardrobe, and I like both types of shots equally. At the end of the shoot, I was genuinely sad it was over so fast.
I have been trying to figure out how to blog about this shoot for some time (and had originally hoped to blog about both the individual and the couple’s shoot at the same time, but scrapped that when I woke up this morning). The difficult part was figuring out, as a shy and not overtly sexual person, how to explain what these photos are like. Not one single shot has me licking my fingers or pouring icecream toppings down my chest. These are not Playboy photos, and wouldn’t even really be scintillating in a rap video. They’re just really beautiful portraits of my body, now as it will never again be, with lighting and talent to help amplify the pretty lines and underplay the…squishy bits. During the shoot, and upon seeing the photos after, I felt like Andrew had provided a safe place for my body to speak for itself: the scars, the muscles, and the softness, too. They’re not as sexy as they are beautiful, and that’s perfect.
Brian did his shoot with Andrew a couple weeks later. I have asked Brian repeatedly to tell me about it, and he just keeps saying it was great. I sometimes struggle with the fact that very little seems to scare Brian, so there was no internal journey for him to take off all his clothes and pose in front of another person. For Brian, he literally just thought, Now it is time to take off my clothes. It’s frustratingly zen of him, the way his brain works. Regardless, if Andrew had been creepy, rude, or awkward, that Brian would have commented on, and when I asked Brian said that he really liked Andrew and it was fun. I think he may share more with me after I get to see the photos, since I think he thinks I’m trying to find out clues about what they look like.
The couple pics here in this entry are to give you a tiny taste of how everything came out; we both chose ones that we’d a) be okay with showing each other a little early, and b) are okay with showing everyone on the internet. There will be a few more up on Aiden Wolf’s website, and you can always book an appointment to talk about your own nude (or fully clothed, traditional wedding) shoot, at which point you’ll probably see more of us in his hardcopy portfolio. But I warn you, be careful: some things seen can never be unseen, and I learned that the hard way when a former boss of mine was nude in a musical production I went to see; if, at the wedding, some of you blush when we try to make eye contact, I’ll know you’ve been checking out our photos, you sly boots.
No comments:
Post a Comment